|Reviews for What I've Become|
| Nonsense And Twaddle chapter 1 . 3/30/2013
oh my gosh what happens I want to know who she is and who fen is. please update soon
| non.graceful chapter 1 . 4/28/2011
Hmm. I think it needs mor tension or something to make it better. Be all 'feel my aggression feel my anger!' do you get what I mean? Just basically describe the blood lust and the temptation as if your the persona himself and not just an observer. Feel what he feels. See what he sees. Hear what he hears.
| Ayaia chapter 1 . 12/30/2010
Your style is quite favorable to my brain. Just the right balance of action, dialogue, and description, while at the same time ambiguous enough to allow the reader to use their brain.
(Which is a perk to me. :D )
Lovely! I wish to see more...the cliffhanger is glorious...but cliff-hanger-ish. :)
| ByYourSide chapter 1 . 7/12/2010
Ah! Such a creepy, thrilling, chilling ending. The mysterious healing of the wounds. You wrote that so well. I felt the realization along with Fen, and also felt a little creeped out. In a totally good way. You wrote it really well.
I love your descriptions and your characterization. Fen is animal-like, savage, but has a heart. At one point you described his belly close to the ground, which really helped me picture it. I can see the world and the characters as I read, which is really good. I picture a chilly forest, or a wasteland.
I love this. "Fen launched himself over the small space between them and landed on his opponent's back, gripping with his teeth and ripping with his razor sharp nails. They rolled in a dangerous tumble of flying limbs and tearing flesh." It's so descriptive, so action-packed. You're really good at writing action scenes. Wish I had your skills!
| ZyggyGirl chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
Wow...Honestly-and please don't hurt me!-I shy away from werewolf-type stories. But this was really good!
Some writers go overboard with description and metaphors, but you kept it simple.
No offense, but it would be torture if you left this as a oneshot.
| lianoid chapter 1 . 4/14/2010
Great opening! You have a wonderful way with words. The story reads smoothly, everything is fluid. The ending is intriguing to the extreme! Again, you write exceptionally well. I’m eager to find out more. Your setting and main character are well thought out, your description is divine, and even the action sequence read well. Get writing, I want to read more!
| Hidden Flowers chapter 1 . 12/26/2009
Wow... Are you going to post the full story?
| WordSpeak chapter 1 . 4/11/2009
Wow! That was awesome! You're seriously talented. Only critique I have to offer is that maybe throwing in a few he's to replace some of all the Fen's would make it better, but hey that's just my opinion. You say you review works of those that review yours? Well, I'm also working on a vampire story it's called Dark Before Dawn if you want to look at if not that's okay too peace!
| Kalista Jia chapter 1 . 3/22/2009
Fen’s sense of smell was so finely tuned that it was practically infallible. If a person passed him on the street, he could tell you what they’d had for breakfast, what brand of soap they used, and even if they were about to fall ill. He could detect poison in food, an infected wound, and could smell something pungent like formaldehyde from a mile away. It was a very informative trait.
Poor guy, he must find toilet very difficult to go then.
GO FEN, protect the girl! be a man! yeah~
| balloonfista chapter 1 . 8/6/2008
I like it...is the story this is for up here?
| Skylark1 chapter 1 . 7/18/2008
Very nice. I'm unsure of where you're going to take this, and it has slight leanings towards the unoriginal side, but so far this is a very good read, *just* steering clear of some annoying cliches. It got my attention, and I want to find out what happens next. My only concern (as I've already hinted) is that it might collapse into the type of typical amateur supernatural fantasy that we've all read before, but I think you just might pull off a really good story instead. :)
| For What Its Worth chapter 1 . 7/18/2008
I would definitely read more of this. Particularly the next chapter. this one was done very well. So how does this change his life?
| Averybarbarian chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
Hm interesting I liked it. Fen seems to be very particular about what he does as well as practical and goes by the rules. Great detail by the way one could easily see what was happening within one’s mind. I like it and I would love to read the next chapter. Well done.
| Sekine Hana chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
Wonderful, poetic description that aided in creating atmosphere and mood. Love the myterious nature of Fen (he's sexy, seriously!). Love it! Hope to see this story continued! :)
| l3g3nd chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
Well I agree that your descriptions are quite good here, but there are still something that you're in lack of - the more in-depth descriptions.
How does the creature looks like, especially in Fen's point of view. What will he thinks of it? The same thing applies to the girl. What is her hair colour? Her face features descriptions?
Apart from that, I must admit that you've a great way in constructing your sentences. Some of them give me the feeling of reading a poem while I'm reading.
Anyway, it's all good as for now. Would like see how this story is gonna turn out in the future.