Reviews for Heaven's Requiem: The Forsaken
Nina Kindred chapter 25 . 1/25/2011
More! This is one of my favs!
Volleywriter chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
This Story is amazing! I love it, you are a really talented writer! I would love your feedback on my story "A Kingdom Fallen". Keep writing!

Volleywriter
Mi.Ishi chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
Hihi Z!

Oh, what a thrilling start. There's some amazing things that are going on here that the reader picks up on. The first, obviously, is the boy. What is so dangerous about him that he has to be killed? Then Gabrielle's relationship with the higher ups, and all of that.

My biggest concern is that you're driving the scene and the plot through a lot of dialogue. And a lot of dialogue can be a very tricky thing, and I felt it was a little weaker in this chapter. You're not giving us a lot of stable grounding through building of scene, because everything is being told through the direct voices of all the characters. And then all amongst the dialogue you have two recurring things that everyone does, but needs to be alerted to: speech tags (asked, laughed, stated, etc) and a lot of adverb use (heatedly, fearfully, etc).

Uh...yes, I think that was the main points. Just be careful of that dialogue, and try to build the scene and then add in the dialogue as you think you need it. That comes down to that stupid, cliche phrase of "show, don't tell," but that comes very literally here.

But I'm kinda excited to see what happens, so I will continue on!

-Shay
Tricked chapter 2 . 4/8/2009
Okay, so I wanted to leave a review even though I only finished up to chapter 2. I really like what I've read so far. You give pretty good visual images, and I was easily drawn into the story. The dialogue is believable, which I'm grateful for.

I'm looking forward to reading more when I get a chance to sit down again, since I have another 21 chapters to go until I'm current. It'll make for great reading later tonight. So far I find the story intriguing.
No Longer An Account chapter 5 . 4/7/2009
Alright! Chapter five!

So . . .

Stuff I Liked: Um, everything? You, my freakishly tall siminocturnal friend, have quite a gift for fight scenes. And to reiterate, the setting and surroundings are very original. And Dominique is just delightfully horrible.

Stuff I Didn't Like: You mis-spelled "cobalt" somewhere in there. Yes, that's the only real flaw I can think of.
No Longer An Account chapter 4 . 4/7/2009
I can't believe I waited so long to start reading this story; it is full of win and awesome.

And I just knew Dominique was up to no good . . .

Stuff I Liked: The descriptions, as always, are flawless (almost, but we'll get to that later), and the setting is very original; I don't believe I've ever read another story quite like this one. And nice job on the ending.

Stuff I Didn't Like: You left out a word in a sentence in the first paragraph. Or was it the second paragraph? Crap, I can't remember. Eh, it doesn't matter; not that important.

On to chapter five!
No Longer An Account chapter 3 . 4/6/2009
Wow, this review marathon stuff isn't really that difficult at all.

Stuff I Liked: The action sequences were very well written and flowed extremely well (I often have trouble with writing that sorta stuff), and the violence was . . . violent? . . . and action-y without being tasteless. I also liked the characters' internal dialogue, and the last bits really make me want to see how things turn out for these guys.

Stuff I Didn't Like: Y'know, there was at least one thing, but it's late for me and I'm too tired to remember what it was.

I'll get to some of the rest tomorrow.
No Longer An Account chapter 2 . 4/6/2009
So, yeah. Me again.

And to use the standard template:

Stuff I Liked: Excellent characterization, and superb dialogue and character interaction. I love the way Zakeil's friends act, because it seems so very real. I also liked the ending.

Stuff I didn't like: I was preparing this speech about how angels in Christian mythology are asexual, but I figure it's your story and your mythos so you're free to take creative license. But if any demons start sparkling, I'm going to have to pay that witch doctor another visit . . . and not the "ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang" kind, either . . .

It also seemed just a bit too easy for Gabrielle to convince Zakeil she was really an angel, but that could've been just me.

All in all, top-notch chapter, and ditto for the story so far. On to chatper three!
No Longer An Account chapter 1 . 4/6/2009
Ok!

So first, I'm glad to see that you haven't abandoned us just yet (damn witch doctor owes me fifty bucks now . . .).

Anyway, the Promised Land is having one of those review marathon contests, and I figured this would be a logical place to start.

Stuff I liked: This is kind of sad, but I was a little tired and on autopilot when I copied and pasted the URL from the alert email, so I ended up reading the last chapter first. But I didn't notice until I had finished it and was about to leave a review thinking it was the first chapter. So that's good; even though I ended up far from the beginning of the narrative, it still made sense and was compelling. And as always the characters seem pretty solid and it looks like the plot'll be interesting and plenty grim.

Stuff I didn't like: Frikkin' LONG. But other than that, nothing springs immediately to mind. Good job. On to the second chapter!
Nina Kindred chapter 22 . 2/4/2009
Sorry that it's taken me so long to get to this. I loved it! Your characters are fabulous. I love how you've taken them from the old world and made them fit right into your visions today. I'm now ready for more!
Caecilia chapter 22 . 1/2/2009
[freaky Nephilim things coming into play. Sweet] Ha! That's great, 'oh it's freaky... sweet.' hahaha.

SCORE. They're holding hands.

Yes, I am fangirling over this...

shh...

[stay on the move then attempt] 'than'

["Plans are good. I like plans. So what are we going to do?"] Ha! Again, this line just made me laugh...

[more then likely the only] than

Agh. 'Maybe' he says... *rolls eyes*

You know you want them to have action, Bellz P

Anywho, great chapter!

Nice to get back to Zakeil and Gab.

Can't wait for more, seriously. This is great stuff. You still have a problem with 'then' and 'than' though x

~Cae
criti-sized chapter 21 . 1/1/2009
ANother great chapter. What's nice abotu this story is the reality in it as well as supernatural theme of it... And a body count that high, wow, can't get any worse than it is, though it will, lol.

The only thing I saw was you had 'then' instead of 'than' in one of the sentences at the beginning of the chapter.

Update soon.

C.S.
criti-sized chapter 20 . 1/1/2009
Alright, I'm finally done with the 20th chapter. For some reason I every time I started to read it something happened, lol.

Anyways. It was good to see Dominique's perspective again. Her ability to actually keep up the pretenses as well as be as evil as she is is cool... I don't know if that made sense. And it wasn't that much of a surprise to have Micheal in it. I wasn't expecting him to make an appearance that would get him awarded a semi-major part, but I didn't expect Lucifer either, so, what the hell.

Great chapter.

C.S.
Caecilia chapter 21 . 12/21/2008
Hehehehehe. You try to stay away, but it's just too damn good P

I've got no critique for this chapter... Which, I guess is good. But then it kinda makes this review more..."eh".

Great descriptions, as always.

Great plot... The government knows and tries to keep this under control... *shakes head*

People are going to die... 0.o

Can't wait for more!

~Cae
Caecilia chapter 20 . 12/7/2008
Okay... I think I'm starting to like Dominique a bit...

She has an inner voice that we can see... hahaha. I Love it.

No errors that I can find... I like this chapter letting us get to know Dominique a bit more. I really like her now...

Can't wait for updates... Remember the season, and update! D

~Cae
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