Reviews for Ten
Nighteh chapter 1 . 7/20/2008
Very nice, especially for something that's three years old - I'd love to see what you can do now. Some suggested changes:

"We made promises that were impossible

And we believed that they would be kept

But I realized how downright improbable

They are when all you've done is slept" - It would flow better if the last two lines were "But I realized how downright improbable they were / when all you'd done is slept" [the break in the thought seems more natural, at least to me, and the tenses line up better]

"The blood of my eyes made constant streams

My heart poured itself on the floor broken

And regardless of that, to me it seems

You used me as one would a token" - the rhyming seemed extremely forced in this stanza. Maybe, "my heart poured itself on the floor, broken / and regardless of that, to me it seems / you used me as a token."

"And so my eyes, for you they'll bleed

But the rivers will dry as they stall

When reminded of messages you would not heed

For you were merely an onyx wall." - The word order in the first line is awkward, and I don't understand the onyx wall bit, although that could be just me.
Taki-san chapter 1 . 7/20/2008
hey i really like this, keep up the good work.

p.s. check out my story if u get the chance _;
The Exuberant chapter 1 . 7/20/2008
good poem

nice rhyming