Your figurative writing is fantastic. I enjoyed this, a lot. I also like the title a lot.

My only critique would be that you capitalize, your "I's".

Other than that it was well written.

Vivid imagery and nicely worded, but it would look better, I think, if you centered the text, double-spaced it or something, and capitalized the 'i's

Anyway it's just my personal opinion. I thought it was well done either way.