|Reviews for lost causes and hopeful poets|
| lostcoastlines chapter 1 . 11/4/2008
Wow. This was terrific. I particularly liked "in the rain that trickles salvation /and the endless night holding back its sigh". Excellent writing.
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 7/26/2008
incredible. anonymous to ourselves, cry for the world never meant to be, an ocean of stars, and i could go on quoting beautiful lines, but that would be quite pointless. i love this.
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 7/26/2008
This is beautiful. The lines in parentheses are my favorite part, but the whole piece is lovely and fits together. I can relate to the emotion in it, and really the whole idea - wonderful metaphors.
Maybe this is weird to say, but I love the line breaks. You put them in unique places that still fit with the flow but subtlely (sp?) affect the meaning (i need/to believe in). The whole look of the poem really fits the mood.
In terms of constructive criticism, all I can think of is in the lines "songs that stretch over an ocean/of stars" you could leave out the "of stars", because the line before is already strong enough to convey your meaning. If keeping the stars in there means a lot to you, you could add a couple words to make the line unique, because I've heard the phrase "ocean of stars" several times before, and it doesn't seem to fit with an otherwise very original poem.