If you'd bothered using "speech marks" I might have read this story

I really love this story!

It was very difficult to distinguish between te dialogue and the narration. Try using quotes!

I only read the first few paragraphs. After i realized there were no quotations i lost interest. Haven't you ever read a book? This is written terribly... You need to add quotation marks so we know when someone is speaking.

Also the story is too fast paced. Don't be in such a rush, slow down and add more description.

I like this, its kinda hard to follow the talking, but i love that she seems so sure of herself :D

I would say could you write some more but since it was published in 2008 im going to say its a no :(

~Skye

hahah very nice, but dyou reckon yu could add quotation marks so its a little easier to follow. I do enjoy the fast tempo. Please keep writing and can we have them acting it out in a few chapters wink wink nudge nudge

Just a little friendly advice. You need to work on the presentation of the story. Add in quotation marks when people are speaking, it makes it a lot easier to read.

(ex.) "Bye Mom, see you when I get home!" The girl yelled as she ran out the door.

See it makes it a lot easier for the reader to understand whats going on in a story. A lot of the time people have to re-read sentences because it confuses them.

I love it

more please!

i love the story.. its very interesting... please update soon...

Me again! I'd like to read more..UPDATE!

ok first what I can say is the story HAS potential but you need quotation marks so we know that a person is speaking. And description so we know what is going on, how the person looks you kno etc. Also it seems a bit rushed, slow the story down and give it a good pace!