Reviews for Prospect Road
thor chapter 1 . 7/4/2009
hey, i've been reading your stories for a while now, but this is the first time i leave a review. i love this story, and i really like the abundance series. the universe you've created is very consistent and puts up well with the different angles explored in each story.

i'm looking forward to the next chapter :)
Ocotillo chapter 17 . 4/15/2009
*whew* Feeling much better. This was a nice chapter, feeling better about the planet as a whole now.

Hope it all works out for Mickey but at least in the meantime, he's being listened to.
frogs of war chapter 17 . 4/10/2009
Poor Mickey. It’s so painful to love him.

At the beginning of part three I wondered whether I would have to give upon on Mickey and his story. I didn’t think I could take anymore.

This is the weepiest story I've read in a while. Maybe ever. I teared up in every chapter. Even when things were going well for Mickey, that only showed how broken he was. The time it takes Mickey to unlearn all his painful lessons seems very real. All the rules have changes. Words mean different things. Actions as well.

I want him to be happy so badly, but I can see he has a long road ahead.
kepteinen chapter 17 . 4/10/2009
Yay, Jacinto! I love Mickey. This story is awesome. Update soon and I'll love you forever.
ricemidget chapter 16 . 3/12/2009
great story! can't wait for you to update ]
Vera Dicere chapter 16 . 3/12/2009
again, this story had more depth and subtleties than i was expecting. apparently i should expect more. i'm really enjoying this so far, although i really want to just give mickey hugs most of the time [despite the fact that he'd probably hate it]. i understand why he's unwilling to explain certain things about himself, but it seems like a lot of times it would help others [namely, jacinto] understand how things work in his head. poor boy. i hope this counselor is a good thing for him.

also, just a note, but there are several typos near the end of this chapter- just added or missing letters and the like. but i thought you might want to know. they mostly seem to be in the section between when mickey goes to bed after the incident with ernesto [and just before jacinto and jon's argument] and the paragraph where mickey realizes that his life is in the hands of other people and he shouldn't waste time worrying as much as he does since he can't change it.

anyhow. loving this so far and definitely looking forward to more! :)
Lena chapter 16 . 3/11/2009
I've read several stories of yours and liked them all, but that's my favorite. I'm really so feeling with Mickey, wishing him to succeed and everything. You've done great in showing the readers how Mickeys world, his view of the things is like. It's sometimes really hard-breaking to read, to see how much afraid Mickey is and how everything for him is difficult and potentially dangerous, how he can't enjoy just anything (except Zip). And how he's constantly analysing everything. You really managed to get across how much a childhood as fucked up as Mickeys can damage people. One reason why I probably feel so much with Mickey is because I can identify with him very well, because I also used to be a very eager student and sometimes a little bit socially insecure (but naturally way less than Mickey is!) so I can imagine very well that under the same circumstances I would have ended similar. And I like Georgie and Jon. Jacinto is a little bit enigmatic, but very sweet too.

Oh, and another thing, you really created an interesting and original world in this and your other SF fics, gratulations.
Cattails chapter 16 . 3/9/2009
(I feel so spoiled today with all these updates! XD) Oh, poor Mickey! He just can't win. Ernesto sounded like he was going to pass out for a minute there. And now Mickey's misunderstanding the counsellor...urk. I hope things get sorted out, because I think he's quickly on his way to a heart attack O.o Ah, and I know Jacinto just wants to help, but climbing into his bed probably isn't the best way to go about it. At least Jon's there to reign him in. Oh, I hope everything works out... o.o
Cattails chapter 15 . 2/11/2009
I really love this! Your writing style, as always, is absolutely gorgeous, and this is really awesome future society you've created. Plus, I love the characters (especially Mickey!). The plot's really interesting, as well.

I wonder what he did so he couldn't move on to high school? Although, the school he ended up in seems better...minus all the things that happened for him to get there O.o Hm, I can't decide if I like Jacinto or not...I want to smack him a lot for upsetting Mickey. Georgie's a sweetie, though :3 Wonder if they'll get this break thing sorted out?
Oco chapter 15 . 1/14/2009
Just submitted a review other one...sht...The Man of his Dreams, yeah.

So um. Copy paste okay? Terrific.

Oh and forgot to say that the sparse tone you use (especially in this one, sans flowery descriptors, etc.) really sets the bleak mood of Micky's mindset.

Nice examination of cultural clashes - I love how SF settings allow us to hyperbolize/simplify concepts like that so that we can examine them and try to understand them.

Thanks for writing.
khavle chapter 1 . 10/22/2008
Interesting story. I love the characters' developments. Can't wait to see where the story would go.
Lal111 chapter 12 . 10/20/2008
A great story dear. It's bleak and hopeless; it's infuriating but still very good. There is a certain mood to this story. I liked it a lot. Keep writing!
Kneecap chapter 5 . 10/12/2008
You have an interesting idea for your plot, but I am finding major issues with your leapfrogging of time. Whole swathes of Mickey's life are unaccounted for because you move around so much. I think that is the biggest problem with this story, 'cause everything else is fine.

I loved your descriptions of the Academy. They were the most vivid parts of your writing, and when you do go into description, it's usually very easy to imagine in one's head.

I like how nature seems to play a big part in this story. Actually, I like it a lot :).


"his deep brown eyes seemed serious." - I've always thought that reading personality in someone's eyes is ridiculous. It's to do with their body language, facial movements and tone of voice. Also, your characters (the ones your describe) are too perfect. Your storyline isn't cliched, so why ruin things by making your characters perfect? Everyone has defects, it makes them more relateable to. And also, try to describe less mundane aspects of your characters' appearances. Hair, eyes, weight and height are immensely overrated. What about a scattering of moles on his neck of something? Use your imagination more.

I want to see this Kelp Forest Project. It sounds beautiful.

Hmm, actually, I go back on what I said earlier: there's something a little suspect about Mickey's sudden use of expletives in his thoughts when they were never there before. I would have liked to see a progression in that, but it would have been difficult due to your time jumping D:

Sometimes it's better to use ellipsis (...) than hypens (-) when you want to show a pause.

Those students at the counter really pissed me off with their tactless remarks. I'm getting far too involved in this story...

I really don't have much else to say. As long as you don't skip ahead another year in your next chapter, I think this story will be excellent :D.
Kneecap chapter 4 . 10/12/2008
PLEASE DON'T SAY EVEN HIS COUNSELLOR IS IN ON THE RAPE-FOR-PRIVELEGES SCHEME. Because that is foul. And what was it in the last chapter that Cary wanted Mickey to do? I'm guessing it was something sexual.

His counsellor has paedophile written all over him, and I'm only about a fifth of the way down the chapter.

Rape rape rape. God, this is worse than The Handmaid's Tale. Well, at least he got something out of it. I like how Cary seems to have alterior motives for raping Mickey.

I know this review is immensely unhelpful, but I feel things in this story are moving in an interesting way, so I was too engaged to say a huge amount. The dialogue is pretty much solid though: you've got it nailed down. You've just got to check out for weak sentences.

In terms of literary techniques though, you're too lax. I can't remember the last time I saw a similie or metaphor in your writing. They do help to conjure up strong imagery, so I see no reason why you shouldn't use them.
Kneecap chapter 3 . 10/12/2008
I like how you've written this from a child's perspective, but be careful you don't use over-simplified sentences sometimes, like 'Mickey didn't like him'. I don't think you used that sentence, but I was just using it as a hypothetical example.

"He arrived at baby jail in a rapidly oscillating state of despair and grim optimism." - that was a well-written line, but I do wonder what Mickey has to be optimistic about.

I don't quite understand what was going on with that whole watch thing. Did he have it soldered into his flesh before or something? From my experience, most watches have straps which can be undone to take the watch off...

The woman, whomever she is, is a complete bitch. She punished them in advance? What a sick woman.

""Asshole." Kieran whispered. "How hot are you now? In fucking baby jail."" - was that a bizarre chat-up line?

If I was Mickey, I'd have despaired by now. And the way you write is so emotionally detatched. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's an interesting writing technique to employ. I just wonder if the lack of emotion in this story is really fitting for a young teenaged boy? Unless he's going to grow up to be the next Hannibal Lecter...

""Look, we finally got us a piece of sugar," he said. "It smiles just like a girl."" - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THEY'RE LIKE THE HICKS OF THE FUTURE XD. But I am now concerned that this is going to turn into rape o_o.

o_O. There was rape. ""This won't hurt at all."

He lied." - that was an excellent use of a one sentence paragraph.

"He hoped Cary was feeling guilty, but he didn't think he was." - blandness. And besides, if he didn't think Cary was feeling guilty, then he wasn't hoping he was. You can't hope for something you don't believe.

"When did Kieran have access to Mickey that was secret enough for him to do whatever it was that Cary was hinting at?" - decidedly complex as a sentence.

I really feel for Mickey, the poor guy. His education system is prejudiced against him, his parents are worthless, the authorities won't intervene, he's getting raped almost every's very bleak. I hope something good will happen to him soon. Because all stories, however cruel, need at least a glimmer of hope.
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