Reviews for Prospect Road
Daydream Nation chapter 8 . 10/10/2008
I really love this story. The sort of..coldness and hopelessness in the original chapters makes the universe really interesting. I especially loved that short little bit about the watch and the bruising.

Problem is, I think the narration is a bit too detached. Not enough emotion or connection to readers as there should be. The prose worked really well for the first few chapters, but I started to feel like we're not getting enough from the protagonist.

It's still a fascinating fic though.
shelled chapter 11 . 10/6/2008
oh, i was so worried for Mickey. but now he's back! yayayayayay.

eh-hem. that was a very good chapter.
StaticCrackle chapter 11 . 10/6/2008
Wow, the whole situation with Gate is really odd, and quite evil. Hope you update soon, this was a brilliant chapter, as usual!
shelled chapter 10 . 10/1/2008
NO!

he was doing so well!

and Jacinto and Mickey were supposed to be together forever

D:
RosesAreRead chapter 10 . 10/1/2008
I've been fallowing the story since chapter two. And I never submited a review. I feel bad about it now...eight chapters later. Anyway, I just want to let you know that this is a wonderful story, lots of great detail about what's going on, and you're not lost about it either. I love how creative and different this world is. Keep up the good work!
Static Crackle chapter 10 . 10/1/2008
Howdy, I haven't reviewed before, but this is a great, great story! Hope you update really soon because I have just got to know what happens to Mickey!
Kneecap chapter 2 . 9/29/2008
Be careful of repeating words so close to each other. You put 'window' twice in the first paragraph.

What are reverse freckles? :s.

I really do wonder why the hell his school sent him to a school for less intelligent children, when all he did was prove that he was smarter than most. Pretty nasty society...

Whoah! You skipped a whole YEAR of his school? Hmm, well, I'll read on and see if I think that was too much.

To think, that when I first read the summary for this, I thought Mickey was some kind of badass punk xD.

""Go on," the teacher said. "I have to think about this."" - that and the other things the teacher said don't really make me think of him as repressive or harsh. He just sounded a little disappointed.

! You just made Mickey start a whole other year of a new program at his school and then glossed over it in a couple of lines. Attention to detail is a MUST. And a year really is a long period of time to jump, and a little excessive, unless you have a good reason...?

WHY IS THE EDUCATION SYSTEM SO FLAWED? They really get on my wick. Which shows that you've written it well to involve me so .

"He thought it was bad things, anyway, though sometimes it sounded as if they were trying to pretend that they were saying good things about him" - so essentially, they were saying bad things.

Oh my God...O_O. The way they treated him in that classroom...it was sub-human. It reminds me of the group meetings from 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'.

There is something deeply disturbing about this society...and I wonder if it stems from the Government. Either way...I really do want to find out what the hell is going on here.

Your character's situation, whilst I can't enitrely relate to Mickey's situation (I can just a bit though - that kind of situation where whatever you say is just mocked by other people. That kind of thing), I can DEFINITELY empathise with him and feel pity for him.

I am enamoured with him and his courage.

I didn't like the last line though. I think you should have ended on the line which preceded it. Adding in that last line kind of gives away too much of your plot and takes away some of the empathy I feel for Mickey. In other words: it lets me know there'll be a happy ending straight away. I wanna be kept in the dark, even if there is a happy ending :D.

I wish I had more time to review this now :(.
Kneecap chapter 1 . 9/26/2008
I'm so sorry for not getting back to you earlier, I really don't have an excuse. As it is, I've not read your stories in so long that I decided just to start again with a new story of yours, and see what I think :D.

How comes 'Gate' was underlined in the second paragraph? If you wanted to emphasise it, wouldn't it have been better to put it in italics? (I've been told that putting it in bold is unprofessional).

"But he didn't learn his place." - that was an excellent line. You took a stilted phrase and made it original :D.

Just off the beaten track for a moment: have you ever read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood? 'Cause I think that's the only sci-fi novel I've ever read and it was fantastic.

"He had scored really well." - that line is too bland.

Also, you don't need all the 'had's in there. Writing in past perfect tense is awkward. Yes, you do need it when describing an event that is not part of the main narrative, but generally you only need it in the first sentence of the digression to show the change in tense, and then again in the last sentence, to show the ending of the digression and the return to the main narrative. It reads a lot more easily that way. But I know past tense can be a bitch xD.

I love the phrase 'something beyond Gate'. It opens up all kinds of possibilities.

I really do admire your ability to create such huge universes. It must be really tricky to plan out.

'Homoeostasis'? xD I can still give a definition of that from Biology. The maintenance of a constant internal environment. Or words to that effect, I think I've forgotten most of it, to be honest.

Well Kieran's a bit of a dick.

I wonder why his teachers are so intent on stamping out his creativity?

Sometimes your writing suffers from a lack of clarity. I can only guess that 'raggers' is the term given to the group of unpleasant individuals who bullied Mickey? I know it's harder to explain such terms in a third person narrative than it is in a first person narrative, but it's still got to be done.

And there are odd phrases dotted throughout this where it seems you were trying to get into a more juvenile mindset and you slip into banality at times. It's just odd phrases, with have no real strength behind them, such as...actually, there's only been that one bland phrase I saw earlier. Otherwise it's all good so far xD.

WHAT THE HELL? What kind of parents does he have? Jeez...his life isn't half bleak. I dn't mind bleak narratives, I mean, The Handmaid's Tale is horrific, but there does need to be some sunshine through the rain or the reader'll be put off. You might be bringing it up in later chapters, so I'll keep my eyes peeled :D.

"Mickey retreated to his room and listened to the loudest, most miserable music he could find." - Oh dear me. I can live with the line which preceded this because Mickey should rightly be pissed, but the whole 'music' thing...so emo. I thought you were taking the piss when I first read it. Were you?

Next he'll be dressing in black and slitting his wrists no doubt. Thankfully that's been the only deviation into cliches that you've gone into so far. I hope that gets changed because it's really...ew.

Otherwise, as a first chapter...I really do want to read more. Which is unusual for sci-fi and I. So I will read more. But not tonight, 'cause it's late. More soon :D.
shelled chapter 5 . 9/24/2008
I really like the universe they live in. Actually, i hate it, but i mean i like how it's described 'n stuff ]
Hiniku chapter 8 . 9/24/2008
This story is very interesting so far and I hope to read more. Continue with the good work!~
My Neighbor's Leg chapter 7 . 9/18/2008
Freaking awesome story!
LilwenKeitha chapter 7 . 9/12/2008
I am still really enjoying this story. Mickeys life does seem to be getting better, even though he seems to be very warry of the improvements. I want to know what happen with mickey and Jacinto. Please keep it up!
LilwenKeitha chapter 5 . 9/3/2008
Another great it up! Mickey's life seems to be getting a bit better as the story progresses.
LilwenKeitha chapter 4 . 8/28/2008
I really like this story. I feel bad for mickey. Does his life at least get slightly better when he gets to the new school.
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