Reviews for Formerly The End
SplitToInfinity chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
*waves* Nice imagery!
daughterofmusic chapter 1 . 12/8/2008
Mm. :) I have to say, this is really my kind of thing. I love the - this is going to sound disturbed - but I really love feeling despair (or any strong emotion, really) through characters. The idea of the Last Person On Earth, is one of my favorite scenarios - so much room for emotion. Loneliness, hopelessness, craving for human company, and the little flicker of will to survive -

Mm. What can I say?


*apologizes for babbling*

*continues to annoy self*

Elim chapter 1 . 9/30/2008
So...what happened to the world? I realize it's not essential to the story to know the exact details of what happened or why this person is the only one left..but I'm curious. I noticed you put this under Sci-Fi. Was it some sort of scientific experiment gone all wrong?

You don't have to explain if you don't want to. I know personally that there are times I don't know the full background of my stories, because what happened isn't the point - the point is what *is* happening. But if you did have something specific in mind and would like to let us know, I'm sure I'm not the only one who was wondering.


P.S. I see what you mean about people not reviewing. I haven't been on here long, but have already noticed that I have way more hits than reviews. It's rather annoying. Thanks for pointing out the problem; maybe people will pay attention.
Cindy Moon chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
You're a good writer, don't doubt your abilities. I don't know why more reviews haven't been left either. Nice work with character introspection. (side note: I appluad you for committing to NaNoWriMo, I've never been able to see it to completion)

-Cindy Moon *)
Bitter Irony chapter 1 . 8/3/2008
I like the idea of the story, but I think the prose would be drastically improved if you cut down on the adjectives. For example, what do you mean by "unseeing" lamplight? What would "seeing" lamplight be like? Instead of "careful fluorescnets feebly beam out," "Fluorescent lights beam" gives the same information with more clarity and fewer words. If you must, add "feeble light" after that.

The same thing goes for intricate metaphor. "Like the last breaths of dying children" sound melodramatic, and also confusing-how can snowflakes be like breath, much less LAST breaths specifically? The dying children bit is what makes it seem melodramatic; how about "In the snow flying down like a mist of dying breath I am cold, and I am dying too."?

There are moments of great poetry in this story-the sidewalk/mirror comparison seemed to me especially well done. Just pare off the overdone pieces, and the beautiful parts will shine all the more!

~Bitter Irony
iNob chapter 1 . 7/31/2008
There were several grammatical errors sprinkled about your piece of writing. Also, I had a hard time relating to some of your figurative language, such as, "like light on a jewel in the bottom of a well." Figurative language is suppose to assist the reader in their comprehension and "seeing" of what is being conveyed. It is a nice piece all and all, though.