Reviews for Cat Wind
vrivasfl chapter 3 . 8/9/2008
That was way too random for my taste. First someone frames Kitty for theft. That I can understand. Everything after that, not so much. They got to Mr. Black's office,. where there's this big emotional back and forth between Kitty and Catherine that seemed incredibly forced.

Then, out of nowhere, Mr. Black reveals that he's Kitty's adoptive uncle and that Catherine has an innate ability to speak another language. This chapter didn't flow as well as the previous chapter.

On the plus side, I'm still enjoying the plot. A new variable has been thrown into the equation and I want to know where it goes.
CrimsonxShadows chapter 1 . 8/8/2008
Review Game...

First off:

I believe one hundred percent that you need to completely fix your first chapter. I'm not saying that it's bad, but I have no idea where to start-not literally of course...

A reader like myself enjoys a hook, but the few beginning sentences just sound like a summary. You want to really draw a reader in, or else you will lose them on the first chapter. Make a wild bang with your entry. Keep them wanting to read more.

Also, it is ALWAYS best to break up paragraphs at a subject transitioning point. Readers like white space in between what they're reading-no lie. They like to take a breather, and if you throw one whole great paragraph at them at once, they feel overwhelmed and unable to focus on the story.

I think you should make your diction choice a bit more flowery, and you should take your time to let people get the feel of your writing style. I feel like I'm drowning within all of this information, but, honestly, I can't understand any of it.

About your plot. Take your time! Why is the teacher hospitalized? Are Catherine and Kitty sister? Are they friends? What are these rotating stairs? This sounds like a very intricate, interesting plot, but the way you've come about it makes my head hurt a little. You should describe all of this in many chapters so we can get to know the characters and the point of the story.

My main point: Take your time. Enjoy what you're writing and let the reader have a breather every now and again. And be careful about your present tense story. This is very hard to maintain an appealing feel for many people.
vrivasfl chapter 2 . 8/7/2008
The plot is pretty basic. I'm not terribly blown away by it. It doesn't impress me too much, but it isn't off putting. I reading it for what it was. It's a simple story of good (Catherine) versus evil (Mr. Trude), or so it seems so far.

The dialog was probably the best part of the chapter. I could easily discern personalities amongst the characters. They seem mostly one-note (Catherin e is the intrepid, young, intelligent heroine and Mr. Trude is the emotionless cannibal), but it's interesting to read nonetheless.
PhantomBialystock chapter 4 . 8/7/2008
I didn't solve the puzzle . . . I'm not all that great with them, except crossword puzzles. But I did enjoy this chapter!

I like your characters. Catherine and Kitty seem to have pretty realistic personality traits that you can identify with, such as being late for class, enjoying puzzles, and not liking science class.

Your opening was really great. It actually made me laugh out loud. The part with the store clerk was pretty creepy, too. It made me want to read on and see what might happen.

I think you need a bit more detail where they are trying to solve the puzzle. It gets a bit boring just reading on and on about how they solve it without any real detail about their feelings or thoughts.

I also think you need to add a bit more detail where there is a lot of dialogue. In a lot of spots, there seemed to be huge clumps of dialogue and no details. Ask yourself these questions: What are the characters reaction to the other characters' dialogue? What are their feelings, facial expressions, etc. Just a sentence or two about these things where there is a lot of dialogue can make your story a lot better!

But besides those two things, you've got a great story! Keep it up!
AMM3485 chapter 9 . 8/6/2008
I like the fourth ending the best. I like that you have a variety in your endings though I think you should just narrow it down two. I think that the story premise is really interesting and that the bond between Kitty and Catherine shouldn't be broken by Kitty's death. Good Luck.
Celestial Angel chapter 6 . 8/6/2008
Review Game- Depth

Ok, you need to lose the introduction chapter. It's alright to insert a summary at the beginning, but as far as the character summaries and chapter summaries go, they're a bit disconcerting to the reader, and makes them think your writing style isn't mature enough to bother with, even though it isn't. It's your job as a writer to introduce the characters into the story and allow them to come to life to captivate your reader. By giving their life story before the actual story even begins tends to put readers off, because it makes them wonder if you need it to tell the story-which you don't, by the way.

I find that I actually enjoyed your writing style. Even though you have a lot of grammatical errors (something a beta could easily remedy), I could definitely see a lot of potential. I'm going to have to be honest and say that this plot was not my cup of tea. However, it is unique and it was very well written. And it was your style and matter-of-fact tone that kept me reading.

I would have liked to see a little more description. The description you did give, though, was very well done, and I was actually impressed. There was a little too much dialogue, you might consider replacing some of it with description.

Again, I have to be honest and say that your characters did disappoint me. In the first two chapters, Catherine and Kitty seemed like the same person and at first I honestly thought that Catherine's nickname was Kitty. My recommendation would be to go back, reenact the scenarios, first as Kitty and then as Catherine. Really feel what it was like for Kitty in front of all those people in the cafeteria. And then feel her terror escalate when she's called in for detention. Then go back and write about it. There'll be a world of difference, I promise.

Ok, now about the alternate endings. Ho, boy, I have a lot of problems with this. They're:

a) confusing to the reader

b) a sign of immature writing

c) completely and totally unnecessary

This is your story. It ends the way you want it to end. I personally prefer the first alternate ending, it gives it a sense of finality. But leaving it up to the reader makes the entire story seem obsolete and leaves the reader feeling unfulfilled. It makes the reader think that you're not confident enough in your writing. So pick one, and stand by it, if you don't like it then rewrite it.

On the whole, even though I didn't particularly fall in love with this story, I would love to read any future stories that you post. You have a vivid, if not morbid, :) imagination. And if you're really interested in writing, take a couple of creative writing courses if you can, I know they really helped me learn to focus and develop my writing, such as it is. Good luck!
Riley Pickett chapter 5 . 8/5/2008
Review game!

At first, I was a little lost, but the premise is spectacular! I love the idea of 4 alternate endings, it just allows the reader to choose whatever destiny they felt best... totally cool concept. I applaud you for even attempting to write four different endings: I'd lack the patience.

What I didn't like: I jumped right in, so the pacing was a little quick for a new reader. I had to go back and read the premise to completely get it, and I had skipped the first chapter because it was so lengthy. Try to pace everything a little bit slower next time. All in all, great job!
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