|Reviews for The Merged God|
| PantherAteCentipede chapter 4 . 5/6/2009
This seems interesting... WRITE MORE!
| Karsten chapter 3 . 9/15/2008
I've been (mostly) enjoying this story, but the last word broke my suspension of disbelief. England? A place where there are shopping malls and you can pay for your hotel room in dollars?
Convincing depiction of the UK 101:
1. Our currency is the pound (£). No other currency will be accepted in a UK business. Not dollars, not euros, nothing. Pounds. Period. (For reference, $10 is about £6.)
2. The word "mall" is completely alien to British English. Shopping centre is the term.
I'm not sure what the motive is behind setting this story in England when the culture is so obviously American, but if you're dead set on the sceptr'd isle, I recommend getting a native to read over your work for cultural errors.
| amelodyofspring chapter 2 . 9/15/2008
update soon you poo bum...or else .
| amelodyofspring chapter 3 . 9/10/2008
hurry up and update you big penis brain.
im bored. your still in bed you lazy ass. wagging school, eh? tisk tisk tisk. (i know, im being hypocritical.)
ah. your such a boob! WAKE UP. it's almost lunch time, scott!
hahahahah i cant be bothered with grammar today.
gr i hope you have a nightmare.
ahahah sudden mood swings... PMSing? lol. remember Blue Whale (AKA. PMS)? hehehe that was funny.
omg you reviewed urself. hah your so lame ;)
i am so cool. your so jealous.
| Sara is Cool chapter 3 . 8/18/2008
England, eh? Cool - I love England.
Uh, no REAL errors (only really one at the beginning of the third paragraph you say 'Agar' instead of 'Audric)... but I just wanted to say, you don't always have to show Agar's thoughts. It's a bit over the top, know what I mean? Especially if you want this book to be mysterious, we can't always know what he's thinking.
Hmm... oh, and also, you italisize and use '?' a lot. '?' isn't really propper grammar, authors just sort of made it up because they were too lazy to just do a '?' and then mention that they yelled that question. Lol. That's all ;)
sorry about reviewing, i know you hate people reviewing your work. Lol. but i just wanted to tell you to CHECK YOUR EMAILS.
and that this is a god story. update soon :)
your lovely, gorgeous, awesome, totally rad sister.
| Koki Enwai chapter 3 . 8/17/2008
Lol. You reviewed yourself. . . ;
Anyway, good chapter. Some of the sentences were missing commas, but that's easy to fix.
| Irony for the Ironic chapter 2 . 8/5/2008
hye me, how are you?
Becuase if you were bad then you wouldn't write a new chapter
I see, greedy
| Koki Enwai chapter 2 . 8/2/2008
I still like it, although I'm a bit confused, but that's probably just me. The title intrigues me.
Keep up the good work!
| amelodyofspring chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
"a hole in the concrete proved he had just falling many kilometres from above." fallen (:
"Still the laugh, as he left the world laugh so did the laugh"... I don't get that line, fix it up a little, maybe?
"Grief had overcome him, all this for revenge, and he had been tricked, a simple trick he should have seen this coming, I’m a simple minded fool, he thought as he coughed up blood, how could I fall for that." woah, long sentence!
Wow, this looks like a really great story! Update soon (:
day x dreamer
PS. sorry to be such a picky person, but when you write such short chapters the mistakes really stand out more than usual. Normally I ignore mistakes because, honestly, EVERYONE makes them - even published authors, for god's sake.
PPS. UPDATE SOON.
| misery sister chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
It was short, vague - but I liked it. Don't forget your commas though! So yeah, watch out for minor grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes - the usual. :)
Other than that, it was pretty good. Good luck with future writing!
| Koki Enwai chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
Oh, wow. I really like the emotion in this; it was quite intense and definitely drew me into what was going on. I can't wait for more.
Keep up the good work!