|Reviews for Amazon|
| Patch72 chapter 10 . 9/20/2009
Excellent! Another great chapter! Defenitly know how to get someone's heart racing don't you? I almost thought Michael had had it. But their whole flight was captivating. I'll admit, when I review most other stories on here I have to skim them and try to put togather a choppy review because I get bored halfway through, not the case here. You have keep this ADD writer paying attention to every word and detail. Bravo!
| Highsmyth chapter 10 . 9/9/2009
Another great chapter. Some quotation marks are in the wrong place, I think. But, it's still OK. Great work!
| smiileyxfacee chapter 10 . 9/8/2009
hey. :] you commented and toldd me to read your story, duude its great. i really like it. keep it up.
| Highsmyth chapter 9 . 9/7/2009
LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! It's sad when innocent folks die, but I LOVE this story. Very action-packed!
Would it be better if the police lie low on the ground while aiming at zombies? Depending on the situation, the zombies may have a harder time killing folks in the ground, but I could be wrong...What do you think?
| Highsmyth chapter 8 . 9/4/2009
This can't be the end, can it? It was getting so interesting; I hope you can post more chapters for this!
| Highsmyth chapter 4 . 8/30/2009
Another great chapter!
| Highsmyth chapter 3 . 8/30/2009
"Superb" is all I have to say, ignoring the grammar...
| Highsmyth chapter 2 . 8/30/2009
Judging by the grammatical errors, I'm assuming that this was a rough draft of some sort...
Anyways, this is one of the BEST chapters I've read in my life! Very good work! I've never read a story so action-packed as this. Keep it up!
| Thedude10 chapter 8 . 8/4/2009
did u on purposely put a cliffhanger at the end or is there still more? the last sentence "could someone have made this virus?" that just sounds creepy
| Thedude10 chapter 3 . 8/4/2009
your story has improved in description I think its become a little too gruesome it gives me the creeps if i try to imagine it
| Thedude10 chapter 2 . 8/4/2009
there was a spelling mistake for "minute" somewhere along this page
| JadeScarlet chapter 7 . 7/24/2009
I've read a few more chapters and while the story itself is fun, there are A LOT of technical errors. In this chapter, I think whenever you say parameter, you actually mean perimeter.
You should find someone willing to take a word document of your story and highlight all of the typo spellings (You spell the words correctly, but are using the wrong word), and the punctuation needs work.
3rd comment, you have a lot of characters, and they are hard to keep track of. One writing exercise I've done is to get lots of paper, write down the name of that character at the top, and then fill the page with everything there is to know. Including facts and details that are completely irrelevant which will never go into the story. Then go back to the story and try to introduce the characters with the relevant bits of information.
| JadeScarlet chapter 2 . 7/24/2009
So far in these chapters, I feel like some of the journal entries don't read like journal entries. It seems like you are writing the action as it takes place, but a journal entry would be written while taking a break, and the narrative would be of someone trying to remember all the details, looking back on it, and it probably wouldn't have dialogue.
Also, the transition from the journal-writing to the other boat isn't very clear. Maybe try putting all of the journal into 1 chapter? Or put some sort of break between, just to let the reader know they are moving to another viewpoint.
So far I'm finding this story to be fun...it was neat that the animals are becoming infected also. I actually wasn't expecting zombies...when the first person was dragged off I was expecting some Lovecraft-type unspeakable horror. Well, maybe I'm not wrong so I will keep reading to see what else turns up.
| Jazzy0615 chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
Wow, your story seems very thought out! I like it a lot! Seems like John is very stubborn and determined guy. I like him.
| Hippofishy chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
hey interesting story so far I like the style. But I think it could use a slight change. Some of the wording doesn't quite fit the setting of an expedition setting out to find new species. So I guess you can either do a bit of research and fix that (I mean words like "bug" usually it's more like a genus or family name not just "bug") I only say this because I've actually read some field notes before. Another option would be to make the group more like explores, then this main character can use common descriptions and others in his group can be the scientist who explain things to him in simpler terms.