|Reviews for No Touchy|
| Written chapter 1 . 10/23/2008
hey! thanks for your review. this is for the review game :)
[There was a lull in the flow of traffic of people on their way to work; to their air conditioned offices and bosses clad in black trousers and suspenders, and that lull had left me bored and lonely.]
I'm not too brushed up on my semicolon rules, but I think that one should be a comma? I dont know, dont take this for gospel.
I enjoy the way you set the scene right from the start. I can almost feel the heat, and it makes me almost glad that it's fall. except that ew, I hate the winter so never mind. but yeah, very vivid description!
hiring a bouncer! that is such a good idea. seriously. I use public transportation, and I swear, some guys just LIVE for female attention. even negative attention.
["Holyshitthisisawkward. Pleasestoptouching. Pleasestoptouching."]
haha! those are my thoughts exactly. well done.
such an awkward situation, and you write about it wish such grace. totally relatable too, which makes it about twice as funny.
| la bonne annee chapter 1 . 9/10/2008
I liked this a lot. Not only is it relatable (God I hate creeps), but well written and interesting. It was also funny in parts, and akward when I'm sure it was for you. It flows very well, mixing in a couple different experiences, and its also the perfect length to keep your attention.
The only suggestion I have is for this sentence:
"There was a lull in the flow of traffic of people on their way to work; to their air conditioned offices and bosses clad in black trousers and suspenders, and that lull had left me bored and lonely."
I don't think the semi colon is used properly (I could be wrong), I think a simple comma will work. Also, you should eliminate the quotes around "Creepy Produce Guy" and just have it as if it is his God-given name. Creepy Produce Guy. Simple. Appropriate. Found in every market across America.
| groovi-gal-numba1 chapter 1 . 9/10/2008
ahahahha! oh god, funny stuff. you have a really good sense of humour! i loved the way you started it off. and lol, its good to know that we are not alone in the advances of old creepy men.
I love the character. All the descriptions and thoughts really shine her great personality. "no touchy" is a great title as well haha.
i can actually seriously relate to this. i bet ppl say that to you all the time though, but seriously i do. haha.
good work, i loved it.
| bubbletrap chapter 1 . 8/29/2008
hahahahaha let me tell you...you have met some creppy men! lol...LOVED the line where your mine fires off the warning alarm..."holyshit..." lol its was hilarious. You have a great humor intertwined with the seriousness of your piece, as sadly, many of these advances sometimes become more dangerous.
Absolutely loved it. I would, however, have liked a description of yourself. You dont say much to describe yourself and it feels that i cannot connect like i definetly could if i cannot picture you in my head. hahaha i dont know if that made sense to you lol..
Great work :)
| Alaxe chapter 1 . 8/25/2008
I like this a lot! The writing is excellent, the adjectives are simply sensational, and your message makes it all the more worth reading. I also like how the reader can tell about your over all personality simply by how you describe each situation. It is like you are down-playing what actually happened, while showing us it was a BIG deal and you where fully freaking out inside. Two thumbs up-and maybe a couple big toes.
| Serenity Takaishi chapter 1 . 8/25/2008
Loved the way you started it off! Made me want to keep reading, haha. you missed a comma in 2 places i think.. haha i can't remember where...
HAHA! it did make me laugh, a lot. and i enjoyed it.
| vrivasfl chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
While reading this, I was tempted myself to write my own version, except the opposite. About how girls-of any age really-NEVER NOTICE ME! Come on! I work in a retirement home! That's the lion's pit of horny old ladies! And I'm like the best server there, so if anyone would be getting some, it would be me! (Not that I would accept the offer, of course...)
I'm getting a bit of topic. I can't say I can relate to your experience and I could probably go for a few more awkward encounters in my life. However, it was still an enjoyable read. No spelling or grammar mistakes to speak of. Easy to follow. A good flow. Overall, a good story.
| ADSpencer chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
So can relate. My setting tends to be Walmarts-in which case, I find myself darting down several aisles to avoid awkwardness. Nicely done.
Good subject matter-it's very easy to relate to. Good writing overall. I thought it was odd that you ended with such a long final paragraph, but I didn't 'dislike' it. Nice title, as well-we automatically know that it's about one of 'those' awkward situations and that it's light hearted-I wouldn't change it for anything.
| heartovermatter chapter 1 . 8/9/2008
| bookaddict209 chapter 1 . 8/8/2008
that was hilarious! my father wouldve killed him!
| Mahonechic89 chapter 1 . 8/8/2008
LOL! that was GREAT! I can definitley relate!