Reviews for No Touchy
Written chapter 1 . 10/23/2008
hey! thanks for your review. this is for the review game :)

[There was a lull in the flow of traffic of people on their way to work; to their air conditioned offices and bosses clad in black trousers and suspenders, and that lull had left me bored and lonely.]

I'm not too brushed up on my semicolon rules, but I think that one should be a comma? I dont know, dont take this for gospel.

I enjoy the way you set the scene right from the start. I can almost feel the heat, and it makes me almost glad that it's fall. except that ew, I hate the winter so never mind. but yeah, very vivid description!

hiring a bouncer! that is such a good idea. seriously. I use public transportation, and I swear, some guys just LIVE for female attention. even negative attention.

["Holyshitthisisawkward. Pleasestoptouching. Pleasestoptouching."]

haha! those are my thoughts exactly. well done.

such an awkward situation, and you write about it wish such grace. totally relatable too, which makes it about twice as funny.
la bonne annee chapter 1 . 9/10/2008
I liked this a lot. Not only is it relatable (God I hate creeps), but well written and interesting. It was also funny in parts, and akward when I'm sure it was for you. It flows very well, mixing in a couple different experiences, and its also the perfect length to keep your attention.

The only suggestion I have is for this sentence:

"There was a lull in the flow of traffic of people on their way to work; to their air conditioned offices and bosses clad in black trousers and suspenders, and that lull had left me bored and lonely."

I don't think the semi colon is used properly (I could be wrong), I think a simple comma will work. Also, you should eliminate the quotes around "Creepy Produce Guy" and just have it as if it is his God-given name. Creepy Produce Guy. Simple. Appropriate. Found in every market across America.
groovi-gal-numba1 chapter 1 . 9/10/2008
ahahahha! oh god, funny stuff. you have a really good sense of humour! i loved the way you started it off. and lol, its good to know that we are not alone in the advances of old creepy men.

I love the character. All the descriptions and thoughts really shine her great personality. "no touchy" is a great title as well haha.

i can actually seriously relate to this. i bet ppl say that to you all the time though, but seriously i do. haha.

good work, i loved it.

xoxox groovi
bubbletrap chapter 1 . 8/29/2008
hahahahaha let me tell have met some creppy men! lol...LOVED the line where your mine fires off the warning alarm..."holyshit..." lol its was hilarious. You have a great humor intertwined with the seriousness of your piece, as sadly, many of these advances sometimes become more dangerous.

Absolutely loved it. I would, however, have liked a description of yourself. You dont say much to describe yourself and it feels that i cannot connect like i definetly could if i cannot picture you in my head. hahaha i dont know if that made sense to you lol..

Great work :)
Alaxe chapter 1 . 8/25/2008
I like this a lot! The writing is excellent, the adjectives are simply sensational, and your message makes it all the more worth reading. I also like how the reader can tell about your over all personality simply by how you describe each situation. It is like you are down-playing what actually happened, while showing us it was a BIG deal and you where fully freaking out inside. Two thumbs up-and maybe a couple big toes.
Serenity Takaishi chapter 1 . 8/25/2008
Loved the way you started it off! Made me want to keep reading, haha. you missed a comma in 2 places i think.. haha i can't remember where...

HAHA! it did make me laugh, a lot. and i enjoyed it.
vrivasfl chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
While reading this, I was tempted myself to write my own version, except the opposite. About how girls-of any age really-NEVER NOTICE ME! Come on! I work in a retirement home! That's the lion's pit of horny old ladies! And I'm like the best server there, so if anyone would be getting some, it would be me! (Not that I would accept the offer, of course...)

I'm getting a bit of topic. I can't say I can relate to your experience and I could probably go for a few more awkward encounters in my life. However, it was still an enjoyable read. No spelling or grammar mistakes to speak of. Easy to follow. A good flow. Overall, a good story.
ADSpencer chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
So can relate. My setting tends to be Walmarts-in which case, I find myself darting down several aisles to avoid awkwardness. Nicely done.

Good subject matter-it's very easy to relate to. Good writing overall. I thought it was odd that you ended with such a long final paragraph, but I didn't 'dislike' it. Nice title, as well-we automatically know that it's about one of 'those' awkward situations and that it's light hearted-I wouldn't change it for anything.
heartovermatter chapter 1 . 8/9/2008


bookaddict209 chapter 1 . 8/8/2008
that was hilarious! my father wouldve killed him!
Mahonechic89 chapter 1 . 8/8/2008
LOL! that was GREAT! I can definitley relate!

Great work!