|Reviews for how she lives now|
| Isca chapter 1 . 8/9/2008
I liked this. It was full of hurt and angst, but it was told in a unique way, which makes this poem universal; captivating. :)
| Tytherpol chapter 1 . 8/9/2008
this is a beautiful poem.
i mean that.
to tell you the truth, i fully commend you for incorporating an actual plot into such a short piece
without it seeming like far too short of a glimpse into the life or plot.
it's really interesting.
i like the lines about the baker's boy.
i want to plaster them somewhere
or maybe just read them again
i feel the transition w/ the "but" after the baker's boy lines is a little abrupt though
this: "at her when she passes him.
but he does not know
she will make her way..."
it seems choppy and i was like WOAH PLOT TWIST WTH WHERE DID THAT COME FROM
but it could be fixed i guess by making the 'but..' another stanza and adding just a little bit of transition description
if you want to of course
or you can totally leave it, and i'll still think you're a wonderful, beautiful girl.
the first stanza is so pretty in its wording.
i wish you would have spent another couple of words on the carpet
but maybe that's just because of my recent obsession w/ the word red haha