I liked this. It was full of hurt and angst, but it was told in a unique way, which makes this poem universal; captivating. :)

this is a beautiful poem.

i mean that.

to tell you the truth, i fully commend you for incorporating an actual plot into such a short piece

without it seeming like far too short of a glimpse into the life or plot.

it's really interesting.

i like the lines about the baker's boy.

i want to plaster them somewhere

or maybe just read them again

i feel the transition w/ the "but" after the baker's boy lines is a little abrupt though

this: "at her when she passes him.

but he does not know

she will make her way..."

it seems choppy and i was like WOAH PLOT TWIST WTH WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

:)

but it could be fixed i guess by making the 'but..' another stanza and adding just a little bit of transition description

if you want to of course

or you can totally leave it, and i'll still think you're a wonderful, beautiful girl.

:]

the first stanza is so pretty in its wording.

gah!

i wish you would have spent another couple of words on the carpet

but maybe that's just because of my recent obsession w/ the word red haha

keep writing~

ty.