I really, really love this chapter. It's simply amazing.

The detail, while sparse, is very powerful and effective. You have managed to paint a very vivid picture of what is going on with the use of a few, concise words. As I've mentioned before, it's my favorite type of description. That perfect blend of quality and quantity.

There are very few grammatical/spelling errors. The only error I could find was: "Deep down, David realized it just an innocent small town."

Between 'it' and 'just' there should be 'was'. That's the only error I found.

Keep writing. I'd really love to read whatever it is you have to write!

I like this a lot - it's a cool steam-punk universe you've created here, and you show just enough detail. I really like the idea of steam-powered mechs or suits or whatever; that's a great touch. The idea of the Lord General has some Victorian echoes in it, which fits with steampunk robots etc.

And the emotional stuff is good - not original by any means, but really well done. It's a good, solid, standard story. Great stuff - I like this.

You might like to check out my own mech-style story I just posted.

That was really good man. Flowed smoothly and quite descriptive. Interesting concept as well. Thinking of continuing on with this? Either way keep up the good work, you've got talent.