|Reviews for MechKnight : The Lady's Guardian|
| ADSpencer chapter 1 . 5/16/2009
What an elaborate and well thought out world you have here!
You manage to do what most of us can't: tell us what we need to know without telling too much. I think it's vital for a good writer to be able to create a sense of reassurance in the readers (proving to them that YOU, the author, actually know what the world is like from every angle)without over-describing every aspect of the society/world/universe as it unfolds. I haven't mastered this yet, but, in your first chapter alone, I can tell that you have! Nicely done!
One of my favorite moment in this chapter was the narrator's note concerning Maugrin's gender. Amusing and insightful:)
| raineyday chapter 9 . 5/9/2009
I told you I'd be back eventually. :P Anyway, this chapter is nothing short if incredible. Battles are not normally the sort of scenes that I can really get into in literature, but you made it exciting, tense, and also very accessible to someone who is maybe not as familiar with the territory. Fabulous job!
There's an astounding contrast between the mechanical and the human, between the emotions seen in Monica, the horror seen in Calipari and the Mechs and what they're designed to do. Again, so well done.
And now I have to quote some things:
'“North?” She sounded confused. “There's a battle here, Vladimir!” she exclaimed.
“I was aware of that,” I said sarcastically'
As they say, I lol'ed in real life. Hahaha! He's such a sarcastic SOB, I love it!
"And all I could do, like Monica now, was marvel at the gleaming beauty of a tool never designed to be that."
That was just good writing. Very good.
I missed this story so much, and I know I owe you a few more reviews as well! I'm gonna try to make a small dent in catching up at the Roadhouse this weekend (What? I have *free time*? What is this term you speak of?). So hopefully I'll be able to read another chapter tomorrow and eventually start your new story as well! _
| Aqua-eagle Sunshine chapter 1 . 5/7/2009
I don't really read sci-fi but i quite enjoyed this beginning. The Machinae remind of something out of Full metal panic...don't know if you've heard of it?
I liked Maugrim...and even though she isn't living i felt like she was watching the whole time. The narrator/main character was pretty cool...if you're a girl you write a male's pov really really well. I also really loved the name...'The lady's Guardian'. Great writing style too.
| Chancee chapter 13 . 5/3/2009
Such an excellent piece of literature. I have always enjoyed this story for its, wit, details, descriptions, history, power of vernacular, and the tone that resounds - hope.
I cried for a moment at the proposal and cried when they were saved. I cried at the end, since I know what you mean in the last three paragraphs and life for them at this point in certainly going to be an adventure.
This is such a masterful piece and you are very intelligent in the way that you bring forth your tale to your audience. I know I was confused with the reintroduction of certain characters, but there again, re-reading this to find out who they are will not be a problem. I know some parts of the battle I got lost, but this is the first mech story I have read so I just have to give myself time there and learn more about the machinery.
I can't tell you enough how excited I am for you that this is such a good story, I truly pray that you consider getting it published. Something this tangible should not be left her just for us, but at least if you are not into the world of publishing from the great publishing companies, at least get this published yourself through amazon. You are sure to get even more wealth from this exquisite tale.
Your deliverance of your plot and the depth of all your characters is something I only wish I will learn as I continue in my own writing, trying to find a voice of my own, and I will make sure I read the other portions of the story that pertains to this. I know there is something written as a spin off from here that takes place at the end, but I would rather read something in its order.
I stand and at my computer and applaud you, seriously, for your diligence in making and creating a story for young and old, and all ages. Don't leave us wanting more for too long!
Masterfully Executed as always!
| Chancee chapter 12 . 5/3/2009
There was so much going on I did read this over quite a few times, but breath taking as always. I was so moved by Monica finally confessing her love to Vladimir and I was shouting the whole time for Hunyadi to kick but, but there again you have layered this story with so many twists and turns it is not easy for me to keep quiet while reading.
I know this is long overdue, but I have certainly loved this story and I have gone to the other sites to see what else you have in store for us.
The climax to the finale is so powerfully written one can't help but keep reading to find out what will happen.
| criti-sized chapter 3 . 4/27/2009
Another good chapter. I hadn't realized exactly how long it had been since I had last reviewed you, but now that I look at my old review, it's like damn, lol.
This chapter was very insteresting. I still like the narration inthe story, and though sometimes it's a bit slow, it's still nice. There's this sort of cynical touch to it that somehow makes the chapters readable.
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 4/26/2009
Thanks for reviewing my story. Just wanted to say that this is extremely well written, and that you have created a very believable world here, and managed to relay the history of it in such a way so that it isn't just a block of text, it's actually part of the story itself.
However, I found two sentences that seemed to jar with the tone you set up:
It is, I suppose, a guy-thing – a macho touch of pride or protectiveness.
Yeah, right – as if my complexion was bronzed.
In the tone you have created, "guy thing" and "yeah right" both seem too out, of place, too colloqualised.
~ Sakina x
| C. Hinton chapter 13 . 4/17/2009
Well well! Finally finished and on such an auspicious chapter!
So far as re-writing this goes I think that, while the story is quite good, there's plenty of room for improvement as well.
The scene that stands out the most is the bit after Maugrim's reactor is set to standby. I got lost in all the talk of hydraulics and pressure that, for me, you lost the fast pace the battle should have had. I think chopping the sentences down would help quite a bit in that regard. Any time you want something to have a frantic, high octane, and intense feel to it your best bet for achieving that is short chopped off sentences.
Another suggestion is to work more towards integrating Vladimir's asides about the political atmosphere better. At times he drifts so heavily I lose the thread of the story which isn't to say the asides themselves aren't interesting to me! They certainly are that and it gives me a greater respect for you as a world-builder that you have so many of the details and intricacies worked out but the old advice about knowing what details about your world to include in the narrative still stands.
Finally, the ending was a bit of a deus ex machina but it stands suitably well I think.
In closing, thanks for the ride and I look forward to seeing this bad boy all shined up as well as the further adventures of Vladimir and Monica.
| NightEdge chapter 13 . 4/16/2009
Oh man, this is good. I became totally engrossed in the story and was like "NO!" when the chapter ended and there weren't any afterwards. Very, very good, or in the words of Hades: "Two thumbs way, WAY up!"
| The Wordsmith chapter 13 . 4/15/2009
"The word I called him cannot easily be translated into Latin. It is Romanian, exceptionally vulgar, and is generally speaking reserved for heretical traitors. It implies that not only did he rape a close family member, but also aborted the resulting child and then violated a nun with the corpse."
I love translations. Really, I do. I don't know how I missed this exceptionally funny time the first two times I read this. I also thought the Neil Wardenclyffe line was pretty funny, too. You asked me to direct my full attention towards how you, the king of the rewrite, could improve it, and I have to admit I don't rightly know. There's something about the ending that doesn't quite have an ending feel to it, like Vlad needs to say something else to process the situation. You mention he wants to get to Belgium, but I don't think you ever say why - I feel like his plans there, and the assurance to his audience that this is not the end of a story, should be where the story stops.
But, as always, a great piece. I'll have to work on TBP more to catch up.
| Chancee chapter 11 . 4/6/2009
You definitely are a master writer on so many levels. The romance is so well portrayed I got a sigh and a 'WOOT GET YA'LL' for the little scene in the cockpit. Your description was powerful without too much detailing of everything that was happening so you can leave it up to our imagination in sorts, but it was saucy all the same.
I could feel the turmoil between them and I felt so bad for them, but rather happy that he was a gentleman enough to stop her.
Now I still like the intertwining of history and geographical descriptions to continue to solidify this story, and I think it could be a nice little anime. Your flow is still good, but you slowed down in the middle, when you gave some history about the waring sides, but it was still needed background information.
The ending is gripping as always and very interesting and you still are able to come up with such twist to keep us looking forward to your next updates.
Great job as always!
Momo~ The PL Forum #3
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 9 . 4/6/2009
Well, good battle scenes here. After seeing this chapter, I think it's safe to say that it's much harder doing group battle scenes compared to one on one. :S
Anyway, good to see that Vladimir is not beyond his own limits here. It will be horribly cliched if so. Just a bit of question here: do you have a concept on how much a mech type armour can withstand punishments? I do remember Maugrim has weak armour, so I'm pretty much surprised at the amount of firepower it can withstand here.
Anyway, that was a blast of a battle here but glad that the whole thing is over for now. There's only that much battle scenes can take a story apparently.
And on the issue of heretics here, one thing I do find it interesting outside this story is that a Catholic can still be saved from a Reformist's traditional POV as long as he truly believed that God's grace and the pure faith that he's saved by Christ's blood alone is all that is needed for salvation.
Okay, I know it's something random, but I still think it's interesting to explore especially given the history between the Reformists and Catholics. ;)
| The Wordsmith chapter 12 . 4/5/2009
This is me. This is me bashing my head against a wall because you're so much more productive than I am. This is me also bashing my head against a wall because I have to work on essays and studying for a test this afternoon.
Okay, so after reading a bit more I realized you had some of this written already, but still, man! I liked your commandeered-from-POTC "disinclined to acquiesce" remark - I thought it was funny for a number of reasons, first that it was stolen and second that it fit so well. I also liked that line about 'nuns never ceasing to amaze me' because the nuns I know do that all the time.
I apologize for not reviewing chapter eleven, but you didn't give me enough time in between. Looking forward to next chapter - and I'll fix the Essen thing.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 8 . 4/2/2009
Well, it seems that Dieter is an interesting character even for one of filler standards. I hope he will play a certain role in this story, but tbh I'm not keeping my hopes high. Guess it's up to you decide.
Anyway, I like the descriptions of the scenarios here. Very interesting not to mention the way you did the whole geographical strategy stuff. And it really seems that Negri is rather stupid in this chapter. Or possibly not even half as smart as Vladimir I guess.
Also, interesting stuff is coming into this chapter for sure. I wonder how you will do the whole mech fighting scenes. For starters, I'm too stuck in for standard fantasy fare not to mention I've never really tested myself in terms of doing ranged fights. I got a bit of idea on that, but not too sure if I can get around doing it. Some parts of it is pretty exaggerated by my own standards. :S Anyway glad to review this one again. Nearing the updated chapter as well I guess. :)
| SuzannaR chapter 4 . 3/29/2009
hiya :) I'm sure I owe you a review so here it is.
First off I was rather taken aback that the boyar was going to have a love life...funny enough it was for the exact reason you said in your first line!
I found your description of Monica absolutely beautiful btw :)
I was a bit confused about their meeting though. It seems to me that he knew her from before, yet this sounds like their first meeting. Was that only for the cardinal? It's not clear at all. Also I know that there are some parts that he goes into the future, for instance, when he mentions that they are married..It seems then that you are switching between times which is a bit confusing.
Good chapter though