|Reviews for MechKnight : The Lady's Guardian|
| Camary69 chapter 1 . 3/26/2009
Loved your creative names!(Hauptmann Wardenclyffe,Dominik Kristatos)
I am a firm believer in a good character name sort of takes on it's own characteristics!
BTW, just recently watched the James Bond flick, "For Your Eyes Only" and the villians last name was Kristatos.
Looking foward to reading Chapter Two!
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 7 . 3/26/2009
Well, interesting chapter here on the whole explanations on the technology and character insight. In particular,I do find Vladimir's exchange with Monica interesting. For one it revealed what Monica had truly wanted although it's only to a small extent. Secondly and this is my favourite part, you did well in portraying Vladimir's character here especially in the area of inner conflict. Or in my own words, paradox. I admit that I always don't have much confidence in doing character paradox, so this is one thing that I have to take my hat off for you. :)
Also like his reply to the Cardinal. It was a very witty one for sure. Something that I'm incapable of. Also I like the background information on Switzerland since that may come in handy in the future plot. CCs wise nothing much to say.
Anyway thanks very much for adding A Ranger's Tale to your story alerts. And yeah, hope to see your reviews for my other stories as well soon. You might want to start with The Elven Chronicles since I'm toying with the idea of updating it in the near run. :)
| Kalista Jia chapter 1 . 3/22/2009
I like the way how you introduce the narrator...
"Just who am I? Well, I suppose the who will have to wait – I daresay that you will learn it as you read this tale."
Maugrim sounds cool too. I am trying to picture her appearence... wo...
This story looks complexe with all those detailed description and everything. It is just amazing.
I am in awed.
| Chancee chapter 10 . 3/21/2009
I have too many favorite things in this chapter. It is definitely a nice pace after the fighting. I love how Monica stands beside Boyar's authority. It is soo cute.
This was your chapter on their romantic feelings for one another I see. It was masterfully executed as always.
The dialogue was needed and I like the pace even with the historical points. The flow was very much appealing for those who like romance story, whether you intended that or not, and it was not something that seemed forced. So much like normal people falling in love it was such a refreshing read.
The funniest lines though are Boyar showing his modesty:
"Simple logic dictates...the least damaged, most powerful 'mech', piloted by the best pilot...have the best chance of success." I giggled seriously.
Then this line:
"There was - God forgive me - even the faint suggestion of the dark fantasy of her coming from my bedroom and dressing in my clothes after an evening of debase carnal union." Boyar you pervert...I Really lol'd on that one.
The romantic feelings throughout this chapter are well written and the growing love for between the two makes you want them to be together. I know from what you said is going to happen but I feel that their union is going to be another fight all the way considering what is on the line.
I simply loved it! Yes love,love, loved it!
The descriptions are always on point and your little cliffhanger kiss is a tease. Not as much as Monica is however. I figured they would end up in each other's arms before the end and I'm glad I was right!
Continue on this relationship that should not be, it is a new twist in my opinion on Romeo and Juliet!
Update soon, I don't want to get rusty waiting for what happens the next morning, and when he meets her husband to be.
Momo/Annie ~ The Roadhouse
| raineyday chapter 8 . 3/20/2009
Ooh, a battle! *claps* Very exciting!
As always, this was a splendid chapter. You have such an amazing way with language; there are always zillions of lines I want to quote in my reviews. One my absolute favorites this time was: "Switzerland looks like a wedding cake – a rustic wedding-cake prepared in a hurry by inexact artisans from tall hunks of dark, crumbling cake and then slathered with thick icing."
That whole paragraph, actually, was just incredible. Great, great writing.
Also, I loved the interaction between Dieter and Vlad. Splendid dialogue in there. There's some seriously brilliant chemistry between Dieter and Vlad and between The Wordsmith and yourself.
Another thing that I really enjoyed in this chapter was how we sort of got a sense of why Vlad does what he does. We got a great look into his mind in the first half of this chapter, his views on violence and fighting and mechs in general, and I really liked that. Incredibly well done.
Well! I'll have to come back pretty soon and see how this battle goes so expect another review soonish! Fabulous chapter!
| Sheena's Musings chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
Well wow. You really planned this out well. You've created a detailed and utterly believable world for your story to take place in. Along with that you character building and back story was incorporated effortlessly into the story so that I quickly got a feel Vlad and his sense of humour. I'll be back to read more here.
| C. Hinton chapter 10 . 3/19/2009
Very nicely done sir. A good chapter, well written. It's often a bit difficult to pull of two characters doing the 'getting to know you' routine but you've done it quite well here.
My one qualm is at once minor and yet extremely significant.
To put it bluntly, Monica smiles FAR too much. She's always 'grinning' or 'smirking' or just simply 'smiling'. I understand that this is the easiest way to display her emotion at whatever moment it crops up at but you would be better served to acknowledge that at different times she has CONTINUED to smile rather than dropping the expression and picking it up again.
Something like this would serve you better methinks:
Monica smiled at me and I felt my heartbeat suddenly double. "Ah...You have me at a disadvantage my lady. I am not used to discussing the subtleties of politics whereas you were born and bred to them. It feels as though I am on the battlefield without Maugrim."
Her smile turned to a grin and she tilted her head a bit, enough that the sun cast subtle highlights across her face highlighting her delicate bone structure. "A mech pilot on the battlefield without his mech. Quite a curious thought."
I quirked an eyebrow remembering suddenly my oft-times comrade in arms Jacob Escotini who was as much commando as pilot. "Not as strange as you might think my lady."
The subtle change of emotion is still there but you reference that the expression is changing instead of her dropping the expression completely and adopting a new one.
Still and all, a nice chapter with excellent character interaction. Vladimir's consistent denial of his heroics is a very telling character trait as is his constant reminders that he is a mercenary and not some valiant crusader battling solely for his Faith.
Well done sir. Well done.
| SuzannaR chapter 3 . 3/18/2009
Good chapter! I liked all the details you put in here, about St Peter's being built got mechs because it's so big..ha that's a nice touch.
I liked the bit with the history too, of how mechs came about. Somehow I figured details like that would be boring, but I liked that you explained it logically, and I found the part about yousa and Roe vs Wade funny!
I like the boyar's character, so far. He's a hired killer, but still knows right from wrong. Interesting, the conflicts there.
The only thing that made me a bit uncomfortable was the muslim thing. It's valid, it's the attitude of the boyar, and of those around him and that's part of the story, but it's hmnn strange perhaps to see it written?
| Midori Ushi Law chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
Mechs are definitely not my style... Storis that have 65k words with only 10 chapters is not my style... Big words that I don't understand are not my style...
But this story has been Favorited, because THIS IS A TRULY INTERESTING STORY. Looking at your format, I can say that your detail and smoothness is impeccable. I can see EVERYTHING the narrator was saying. No grammar error, no spelling errors, no anything errors! Your style and format was clearly readable and not hard on my eyes. The dialogues were not confusing! The form of this story had NOTHING that took me away from what was being read. I respect that.
Looking at your story, the narrator seemed very knowledgable about the things and history around him. This world that you made gave a true sense of realism. Everything painted a picture of the type of world he was in and what kind of character, our protagonist here really is. I like how he explained that he understood that the mech was just a machine, but he still treated it like a partner. Also, I like how he separated himself from the stereotypes ppl had about mech pilots when he was discussing his amazement on how big the factory was.
I'm curious on why he was called by the Cardinal and what he'll be "forced" to do...
I WILL be reading more of this.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 6 . 3/17/2009
Well, it seems that the whole logic of romance here on A loves B but B due to marry C seems rather common to me. I'm not too sure on the aspect of novels, but I do see it quite often in dramas. With that being said though, I'll be interested to see how you can shape out the plot from there. :) Also the scenario here was also very well-described. And I think I'm seeing a platform where you can develope the characters of Monica and Vladimir at the very least. Not too sure if there are any important characters apart from them. Well, my brain is a bit dead atm, so I think I'll sign off from here now. btw thanks very much for your reviews on A Ranger's Tale and hope to see your reviews for the rest of my stories soon! Bye! :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 5 . 3/17/2009
Herro there! :) Me again if ya remember. :) Anyway, glad to review this one again. Well, tbh I do see that this is a good chapter. I like the way you did Vladimir's character for the later part of this chapter. Just something which I can suggest here is that maybe you can shift the focus of this aspect into the earlier part where he was with Monica. In this way, the reader could relate better with the situation, which led to me suggesting as well that you could have done more details on that part so as to pave a certain path for their potential romance. And yeah interesting but weird logic on nobility here. I do find it interesting, but I'm not too sure if I can accept the logic since it seems rather weird to me. :S And lol on the ending sentence of this chapter. That will be interesting to see. :D
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 4 . 3/16/2009
Heyo there! :) Me again if ya remember. :) Anyway glad to review this one again. Well, first things first, I do see that the ending of this story is pretty much clear cut at this moment. Normally endings are for people to guess, but you did the opposite without spoiling the plot for us. So good for you there. :) And yeah, I think I know where the romance factor is going. imo a no-brainer. :D Also I like the dialogue here. It's rather refreshing for a filler talk and Lady Monica seems like a pretty deep girl. Definitely not the kind of brainless cliched types one might otherwise see in stuff like high school drama and what not. :) And am I safe to assume that she's got a great interest in Vladimir at this point of time? I truly think so. Correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway interesting chapter here as in where this one will go plotwise. Nothing much to suggest here. :)
| The Wordsmith chapter 10 . 3/16/2009
I liked Monica's joke about the ironclads growing up to be 'mechs - the image of a baby robotic casing was humorous. I"m not sure how I feel about Vlad referring to the attacking Lutherans who killed Signora Bianco as "barbarians." Heretics, unenlightened ones, pagans, sure, but barbarians implies a level of technological un-enlightenment, which we know isn't true, and I think Vlad's dismissive attitude should maintain its religious tone.
I never gave thought before to a mech being able to travel in water, but it's certainly an interesting concept - I would have naturally assumed some sort of short-circuit might occur. Obviously they're designing them better than I imagined.
I also really liked the 'morning after that wasn't' feeling in this chapter with Monica in Vlad's clothing - it created tension beautifully. I also liked Vlad's speech on the nature of the Empire - I'll have to keep that in mind when (if?) I work on TBP again.
The other thing that confused me in this chapter was the innkeeper's remarks on the battle that took place there many years ago - he seems really happy that his sister a heretic. You'll have to explain that one to me. I also think Monica's a little too girly at the end of the chapter, but I think that's just me. I'm looking forward to what happens after this kiss!
| The Wordsmith chapter 9 . 3/16/2009
I didn't review? Terrible me! Well, it was a good chapter, and I liked it, but I have a note.
"I keyed the radio to open-broadcast – fear is an excellent weapon, and terror is a reputation well-used." I knew what you were trying to say, but somehow, I feel like this sentence is a little awkward. "Fear is an excellent weapon, and a reputation, when well used, can create the purest kind of terror." Not that it sounds any better, but it makes a little more sense. And not that I'm in any way qualified to lecture you about sentence construction.
As always, your command of the action in a scene and the description you incorporate into your prose was wonderful. And now that I'm re-reading it, haha on the Barracuda/Cougar references. ;) Off to re-read chapter ten!
| Chancee chapter 9 . 3/7/2009
Okay, now that I have read this, I have to tell you I was thrown off with the explanation of the weapons, during the battle. I think I spent too much time trying to remember the details of what machine was firing what style of missile, that it took me away from the different battles.
I got confused when Maugrim was fighting. I believe it simply crushed the first enemy in her mouth in the end right? I got caught up with the details to what made up her weapons and her teeth, then was thrown back in to what action she was actually doing, biting I suppose?
I am not a 'mech' reader...So those who are I'm sure they were totally into every aspect of the weapons. But for those who are not familiar there was a lot of information to digest during the battle scenes that interrupted the flow, for me, that was slightly irritating. I don't like to have to re-read but I did that a lot to make sure I was keeping everyone's position straight in the story, and who was firing what.
Now the conversations between the warriors was my saving grace in a way, so it kept the intensity up, which is what the battles were. The killing off of Siagno Bianco I did not see coming but she was annoying to me with being so uppity, so I don't think I'll miss her. Gosh that was harsh on her behalf, but she's fiction.
I like how he saved Monica but I could not tell how she got to him in the cockpit from Maugrim's mouth or did he scoop her up in his paw...See that is something that maybe I miss read, while trying to decipher the details of the armor.
I love how Monica was devoted to her people and the fact she wanted to fight, speaks so much to her character. I truly enjoy her strong spirit.
Now for the battle between Maugrim and the Cougar, I got lost again. I know one of his soldiers was in trouble, but could not visualize exactly what was going on, so I it was hard to figure things out there, until I believe he sliced the command compartment in half with a laser correct?
I like how Boyar's team had complications and battle scars so they did not seem unbeatable for the first battle which gives a good element of believability to the story and as always your descriptions are plenty.
Over all I did like the chapter, but for any reader who does not read 'Mech' related stories normally,(me personally) it was a little harder to keep up the flow. I know that there are more battles to be had and hopefully there is not soo much terrain around that describing it, the armor weapons, and the battle itself does not hinder the quick pace of an intense battle. I know you have links to get descriptions and research so I'm not sure if you could describe weaponry aside from a battle and then just talk about the action in the actual story, because with it mixed in it slowed the reading down.
I can't wait to see how everyone is doing after the battle now, and I'm curious to see how they regroup. It sounds like almost all of their party was destroyed and they no longer have the train, so getting around will probably slow down the mission.
Update this soon!