|Reviews for The Angealis Chronicles|
| April chapter 10 . 12/15/2010
""Alright, so where are going?" Kain asked, Leon still being awestruck by the lights." I think you forgot the word we.
Sorry, but because I'm close to Atlantic City as you are, imagining lycans under Ceasers casino is funny to me. Maybe it isn't suppose to be but I liked it.
I like the descriptions of the surrounding areas and I liked knowing the history of how vampires came to be, perhaps add how werewolves came to be?
Ahh the pain returned, it feels real, Leon's pain. I really like Claude, he seems so fun and nice. Very wise.
I usually do not like "kissing" scenes, but I really like this one. It's pain that draws the ones we love closer.
I kind of think they fell in love quickly, but I guess the former line I said makes it work. I feel like they've been through a lot in the past week and its easy for a 17 year old to fall in love, but I don't think it would be that easy for an old vampire to fall in love, but maybe, I do think it feels safe and the emotions pour out. I am always skeptic about people falling in love too soon, though, so I may be a bit biased.
Not Claude! That was a twist, I didn't think he'd blow up the place. Now if Cesear's randomly blows up, we could know why. haha jp. But I feel like this story is good, but would be better if it passed in longer than a few days. Maybe it could be a few weeks, perhaps a month or two? We know lycans and vampires are both very loyal to there master for the most part, that's something they have in common, well except Rune.
This one isn't as dull as you think. I liked how they got interrogated. It wasn't the most interesting, but if all the chapters were the most interesting, then there would be no relief or relax. I personally like the little relaxing chapter that build the suspense.
It seems like the werewolves are much more levelheaded than vampires. I knew I liked them better for a reason. Leon doesn't seem like he was aggressive at all before becoming a werewolf. It changed him a lot. Do his old friends ever come back into the picture? I think it would be nice if they did, so they have a bit more meaning. Maybe you should change Claude saying you were like a daughter to me to you were a great daughter because she was his daughter, not physically, but mentally.
I'm assuming this is not the ending to the story. I think it was pretty good, although my biased ways get to me, I still read it all and it kept my attention, something vampires have yet to do so far, so congrats! I liked the style of writing overall, and although I see room for improvement, I see that there will be some as time moves on. Sorry for being a bit biased though, I'm more of a zombie, humans with powers, ect type of fantasy person. I look forward to reading your other stories though
| April chapter 5 . 12/15/2010
I like a quick chapter every once in a while. The story gets quicker and quicker to read. That's good. Most people nowadays won't read anything too long.
I think it was a bit much for Rune to kill Kale, but I guess I am underestimating their hate for each other. I do like the description of how she did it and it portrays the seriousness of the matter. I guess Kale was trying to kill Leon. I did not think he would bite him, that's an interesting twist.
Oh my! That was so intense. The description was so moving..oh wow..poor Leon..not only to have both of your parents to be the reason why they're gone..such pain. I notice the scenes with more movement and action are what you're best at.
In the beginning Lee and the other deathdealers sort of just appear, it might be a good idea to write a sentence saying that they did appear so people know they were not there the entire time.
When Rune shreeks "Leon! Stop this! He's done nothing wrong!" Did you mean to put Lee stop this? or is she screaming for Leon and then telling Lee to stop?
Dun dun dun...
Leon's a bit more aggressive huh. I think he maybe should feel sorry more for killing his parents and killing other people, since he never did that before, but maybe it comes up and I'm just suggesting before I read it. If he doesn't though, maybe it is simply the werewolf in him now. I know more about them since I love Harry Potter haha. Do you like it? I think you should mention where Leon lives before talking about going to Atlantic City. Probably in the beginning of the story, maybe you did though and I just forgot. Sorry if I did! Nice action in this chapter though, I like Kain joining them, well sort of joining them. Leon has a sister? Perhaps mention this early, maybe make him think about his parents when he thinks about his sister too?
Human cattle! oh no! hmm. dropping a bomb as the last sentence. nice
| April chapter 2 . 12/15/2010
This is for Chapter 2. I like this one. I think it's nice how much dialogue you use, yet perhaps add a few more descriptions of the surrounding areas. You have good descriptions of the people. I feel like I can see and hear them. Also, I think you capitalize the words mom and kid when you use them in substitution for a name. Sorry if I am odd for commenting on every chapter, but I love reading and it's exciting to me to read what people my age wrote. I love the possible vampires name, Rune Nightgaser. I love Leon, too. I think it might be a good idea to add a name that is common, though, for it makes the story feel a tad bit more real, but what the hell, this story's not meant to be real, only to feel real, and it has that feeling so far.
Chapter 3 (Yes I just realized I don't have to submit for every chapter haha) I like how the titles of the chapters are snippets of the story. It gives little hints. The third chapter is cool. I like how she can modify memories. It's so interesting and makes readers want to read why the deathdealers left Leon alone and why his memory could not be altered. I never read any vampire stories except I am Legend, which was amazing you should read it by Richard Matherson, so I don't know what they do except live, hate crosses and garlic, and are fast and eat blood. Did you make up the memory altering? I really like that part. There was humor in this chapter, well more than the others, good )
I really like this sentence "Soon, however, sleep claimed him once more." After, speeded is suppose to be sped. If you read my stuff you'll see. I make so many mistakes like this haha. Why are werewolves and vampires in such a war? Is it because one's mans best friend and one eats men? Hmm. lol. It does bring more thrill if they hate each other. I'm personally rooting for the werewolves, haha. While I enjoy this story, I can't wait to read others, for this seems like the "fad" right now.
| April chapter 1 . 12/15/2010
This is just for Chapter one. It's an alright intro, but for a story that's 14 chapters, you have to grasp the reader ASAP. I think it might be a bit more "grasping" if the reader felt like they knew Leon a bit more. Perhaps add small things about him like he chews spear mint gum every morning, or he like the way Jay's skin touches his when they're at their lockers, or something, because it's hinting that he likes her more than a friend, but I could be wrong. Also, "Leon grinned, "Like either of us need to actually study for that test. It's gonna be a joke."
"Okay, Jay. Thanks for having me over," Leon said over his shoulder as he headed for the door." It sort of gets confusing there because it seems like a part is missing, like a sentence saying they played video games the entire time or something along those lines.
Besides that, I think the diction is great for people their age and although I must admit I'm biased against vampires, I don't like reading stories about them for some reason, yet the ending makes me want to read on. I like his father answering the door to his son holding a girl. Good ending to a chapter
| Nvyxus chapter 14 . 5/29/2010
| lili999 chapter 1 . 5/27/2010
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| NoxSolia chapter 13 . 5/6/2010
I realy like this. Like. A LOT. So. Lets start this epic review of epic epicness.
Really great intro to the characters in the first chapter. :] Although I would indeed like to now how on earth little human boy was having visions of Rune. xP Btw, guessed who she was based off of soon as it said she had green eyes. :D
Second chapter. Oh my goodness, I LOVED the mother's reaction. Very well done.
Very nice setting up the confession that Rune was a vampire, and also planting the seeds of romance for the future chapters. :3 Rune's personality is also well shown. Yay for skipping! x]
o0o0o0o0o Angry lycans! Interesting plot developmennt.
The fight scene. Oh my goodness. Well written, and very suspenseful. And his change was rather suprising. As well as when he kills his parents. :[ That was sad.
But the relationship between Rune and Leon is really great. They are so cute together. :]
I also like the concept of the Alpha and that city is pretty col. I'm really excited to see where this story i going. :] Now write more! Emoto-chan demands. x]
| Nvyxus chapter 1 . 10/28/2008
hey i really like it...hehe _ bet ya don't know who this is... XP
| DarkRose1593 chapter 13 . 10/8/2008
I liked this chapter- it wasn't boring to me. But anyways, I'm really glad you decided to continue this!
| sooner or later its over chapter 13 . 10/4/2008
the decent into the cave was really cool and im sure the temperature of the water was normal for the wolves since their so hot blooded right?
| DarkRose1593 chapter 12 . 9/17/2008
I must say, I really like this story so far. Just watch out cause sometimes you don't put in words that should be in there. Anyways, I hope you continue with it soon. (I also like the fact that you named the main character after yourself/your pen name. :)
| Bri chapter 2 . 9/15/2008
I love the reaction of his mother and father.
the dialogue is great. is has a realiztic and natural flow.
the character descriptions are great, i love the use of color imagery.
| Brianna chapter 1 . 9/15/2008
So basically, i love this.
like i don't want it to be over hah.
It's so so so good.
| sooner or later its over chapter 12 . 8/23/2008
have to say that i love Claude, and the twist about him being Rune's step dad is brilliant. :)
| sooner or later its over chapter 7 . 8/23/2008