|Reviews for Is it really just a dream?|
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 9/14/2008
I like the repitition. It wasn't too excessive and it highlighted your meaning well.
I didn't like the lack of punctuation because it was hard to distinguish sentences and questions.
~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/13/2008
"Help, Help you cry out"... there's no reason to capitalize Help the second time
I also think you might want to punctuate with periods and questions just to help the flow.
I didn't really like the ending because I couldn't tell what was a dream, the whole piece? Still, the piece is interesting, the idea of sacrificing yourself to help another.
PS If you're bored this weekend check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| rassoodock chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
i think that your word choice is a bit juvenile for the subject matter.
"keep him from dying" could be made into a metaphor of some sorts.
im detecting this is about war, and war poems are either in your face or very, very subtle. however, you are floating in the middle ground and i feel that with the right word choices, you could push it in one direction or another. with the way you have it now, it is still a powerful piece, but with a bit of work, i feel like it could become something much bigger.