|Reviews for Daughter of a Pawn Shop King|
| intensity chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
This has some raw potential. With some editing I would really love it.
There are a couple things off the top of my head I would do. I would either divide it up into two long stanzas, each ending with "it's hard being the daughter of a pawn shop king." or just save the phrase for the end. It's a great impact line.
Otherwise, I would just fix some of the phrasing. I think if you looked over it a couple more times, combine some sentences it would be a really great piece.