Reviews for Within a Second
EvoftheDark chapter 1 . 5/18/2011
I'm seriously trying to type out something that can explain how good this is... but I can't. The end is the killer (and seriously, no pun intended).
Mr. Magic chapter 1 . 8/18/2008
OMG! That ending was so surprising!

That was very well written!

I'm going to go read your other stuff now. LOL
HRL chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
Wow! That was incredible! You're really good with these emotional pieces! I thought the dramatic short but sharp lines really evoked a sense of empathy again. I think again the sadness is really captivating here. It was awesome!

Constructive criticism: Again, I'm not really sure what to say. I think it's amazing as it is. The only thing I can think of is that the number of lines in each verse did vary but it's not a rule or anything so it's not a significant factor!
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
This has an interesting rhythm to it that fits the idea well. It flows nicely, but there's still a sort of choppiness to the lines, reminiscent of bursts of thought. My only suggestion would be to either stick with a rhyme scheme or don't use it. It was confusing when you abruptly stopped using it.
Zaraa.x chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
Omg.

That is so briliantly written. When I first read the top bit, I thought this was gonna go on about some bloke who misses his girl who broke up with him or something. But it turns out to be the sister. And that is just a brilliant idea. Wowz.

I love your writing! Yah've got it in yah