Reviews for Heartbreak |
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The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon chapter 6 . 8/30/2008 AW! This chapter was awesome! You took a key point in the story to your readers (the kiss) and then you brought in how Page felt about all the romance around her. Those moments, those connections, are the basis for great writing. Also, I think its important to counterbalance a happy moment (for the reader) like the kiss, with and sadder moment like Page's depression at the end, and you did that very well! There is just one thing that I would suggest in the future, that you take things that require building up to, like El and Zack's kiss to come later in a story so that you can so them fighting rather than just tell us about it. But overall that's rather minor. Write on! |
lttleravengrl26 chapter 5 . 8/29/2008 Awesome chapter, I can't wait to see how the prank turns out. Update soon! : D |
The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon chapter 5 . 8/28/2008 Is Chloe blonde? just a guess, but I like the story either way! I just am not sure that I agree with all this lying and revenge, I hope that you are planning for an ending where the characters grow, if you know basically what I mean. Though I am defiantly praying that you will have enough time to write more of this (among other things of course)! Write on! |
The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon chapter 4 . 8/28/2008 Just because that's the second time you used the wrong word, and I'm ... a grammar nazi, you mean "follow" not "fallow". Sorry, I just had to! (Even though I'm totally willing to go through these later for grammar and spelling, but right now I barely have time to read them.) |
The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon chapter 3 . 8/28/2008 I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THIS! This is SO different from what you started with that I am shocked, but ... I just can't stop reading! ... Now more on a beta reader front, there have been a couple wrong words here and there and a little bad grammar, but for the most part its pretty good! Write on! PS: I simply adore this El/Zack thing, its way better than all the ideas I gave you when we brainstormed! |
Artie13 chapter 5 . 8/20/2008 I'd like to start with how sorry I am that this review didn't come sooner. With that said, I'd ALSO like to say that this chap. is really good! It's so like Nessa to forget that she's the one that was supposed to tell a friend where to meet. Other than that, I really like florin ;) KEEP UPDATING! |
Gazing The Sky chapter 5 . 8/20/2008 hee hee hee! Evil! *evil chuckles* I love it! The plan is diabalical!(I'm not sure what it means, but I mean it to sound crafty!) AW! I have no idea Vanessa like Ethan! That's is so cute! Awesome chapter! Too bad...*sniffles* Your not alone! |
The Cosmonaught chapter 5 . 8/20/2008 They're going to do that prank to him? Erh. Seems a little too minor for my tastes, but then again, I'm a person of grandiose things. I've also never had that prank done to me so I wouldn't know how it feels P. Wow, that's clingy, two looks and he is accused of having a fling. I don't even think I'm that paranoid. Bad luck for Ethan. Good work on another chapter. It darkens the day to hear the updates will come less often then they were. I look forward to the next update D. |
Chabelby chapter 4 . 8/18/2008 Nessa's still my fav. But Zacks cool too. And of COURSE Ethan (yummy). Nice chapter. Update soon. Ams |
Chabelby chapter 3 . 8/18/2008 OMC! Vanessa is my favorite character...lol. And no im not narcissistic (number one i cant spell the word). Lets see if i sign it the same way everytime it will stick. Lovesya, Ams |
Chabelby chapter 2 . 8/18/2008 HEY! Poor page. I hope they get revenge *wink wink* All Mighty Shortness, Shelby PS I wonder if i can get that to stick. We could call me Ams for short. |
The Cosmonaught chapter 4 . 8/17/2008 I was worried for a bit when it looked like Page wanted to bail, but it turn out all good. I like the whole revenge idea. Code names and pranks. Like mad spy work. They all get some nice code names, then *Game noise for Wrong Question*, Fuzzy Wuzzy for Vanessa. It was good, looking forward to reading more, especially when they start. |
Artie13 chapter 4 . 8/17/2008 YAY! Good Chapter! You are very welcome for the help on the code names, though I still wish that Nessa's was All Mighty Shortness. My absolute FAVORITE is Malicious bookworm! If you would update sooner, this story would be perfect! |
The Cosmonaught chapter 3 . 8/17/2008 Overly sarcastic and animated characters for the win. Vanessa has got it spot on D. His bluish grey eyes always stood out in a crowd - That confused me a little. I have a friend with blue eyes close to grey and they don't stand out all that much, but then again it takes alot to stand out to me, like fluro pink eyes. I might have to try this 'lover joke' style. Seems to work on the ladies P, at least, according to Page and Vanessa. Another good chapter. My thanks to you for the read. Keep it up! |
The Cosmonaught chapter 2 . 8/17/2008 What an asshole! What kind of guy invites their girlfriend out then cheats on her a short distance away? I hope this Chase bastard gets whats coming too him. Sad to see that people like him really exist in the world. “I can come get you now I guess, it’s not like I was saving the president from assignation or anything cool like that.” - Smooth. That's something I'd do. Sarcasm at times when it isn't needed. I like it! It got right into the complication and hinted at the bastard getting his. Heaps cool! I love revenge P. I look forward to reading on. |