|Reviews for Underlying|
| Lime-Cat chapter 1 . 8/16/2008
I'm not too good with haikus because I can't seems to grasp the deep underlying (excuse the pun) meaning within them, but I'll give this one a shot.
I believe a haiku uses a 5-7-5 syllable pattern. This one has a 5-6-5 syllable pattern. I believe you read 'smile' as two syllables, but it is in fact, one syllable, bringing the syllable count of this line to 6.
I didn't really like the word choice in the first line because 'screams' is a bit too powerful for the imagery of two people forcing smiles and saying hello to each other.
Besides that, I actually liked this piece because of the image I got of the awkward situation - I personally found it nerve-wracking and humorous at the same time. Nicely done!
This review was brought to you by the Review Marathon! (see link in profile)