your formality strikes me, for i would always change such constructions in my own writing. like in stza 2 i'd say something like: "it's still early; darkness coming:" or stza 4: "now you're but a shadow on the ground" i'm not criticizing pro or con but only talking out loud. this formalism imparts a certain stiffness.

"There is no winter here

yet the trees shed leaves like tears"

Classic quote-worthy.. The piece as a whole has a sad tone to it, the imagery is melancholy but somewhat placid and undisturbed. Loved it!

~fleur

"Darkness is coming: with bare branches you beat it back." What an incredible line! I liked the imagery throughout! :)

feels sad and mournful, like someone forced to contemplate something they'd rather forget.