Reviews for A Game of Pretend
Custos Morum chapter 11 . 8/25/2009
"Colon, open-bracket." LOOLL Tray is great hahaha.

This was an interesting chapter, I'm interested in getting to know these new characters better!

And the scene with Toriko sitting on Sabishii was really cute and funny. Overflowing butt-fat hahaha. I want MORE Toriko-Sabishii scenes because they're cute.

Only weird sentence in this chappie was "Walking into the class, he saw his favourite group of students lugging around" - I don't think lugging is supposed to be used like that lol, maybe lounging around?

Am sort of feeling trepidation about the next chapter, with the bear and Evan, please don't make anything TOO horrible happen... . PS it's so sweet how Evan wants to save her!

-Nabila
Pumpkin chapter 11 . 8/20/2009
Wow, nice ending. u left the chapter open with so much suspense. "Colon, open-bracket" lol, that was my favourite line from this chapter XD. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Pumpkin chapter 10 . 8/9/2009
You know toriko seems to share ur temper. I think u make her do all the stuff u hold urself back from doing. I saw a couple grammar mistakes but i'll let them slide just becuz i enjoyed reading the chapter so much.;) Good Job! ], i'll be waiting for chapter 11! XP
Custos Morum chapter 9 . 8/5/2009
Aw this was so sad, poor Toriko :( stupid girls. Girls are so vicious. Stealing Dunk-a-roos HOW DARE THEY '(. I hope Sabishii beats them up XD.

As usual, great writing, I think I only caught one spelling mistake ("peaking" instead of "peeking" if you wanted to know). I really like the little details you throw in without being too overboard, like Sabishii noticing the girls didn't have scented soap as the boys claimed. There was a little too much description on Paul :P unless you plan to make him have an important role later lol.

Keep it up
Custos Morum chapter 8 . 8/2/2009
Um okay WHY IS MITTENS SO FREAKING CUTE zomg sdfklj;lksjfdklhag his little mohawk and trying to fix it with his little paws *dies*

By the way your writing just seems to get better every time I read a chapter, I like how varied your vocab is, and how you can phrase the same thing in different ways so that it's not repetitive, and as always your descriptiveness/interesting descriptions. Like eating patience for breakfast hahaha. And all the details about spirit summoning, it's so well worked out which makes it that much more credible.

LOL the food moment with the sushi and dumplings, I love it. Actually all the food moments, especially this one:

"Dwayne's caramel complexion complimented Paul's darker, chocolate tone and made Toriko embarrassingly look forward to the Dunk-a-roos that she had brought for lunch."

ROFL. Ahahahaha LOL only you Safa! LOLOL.

Omg did Paul just grope Sabishi? What a perv. Hahaha nah I'm kidding. I'm guessing he healed Sabishi's bruise or something? Maybe I'll find out next chapter :O
Pumpkin chapter 9 . 8/2/2009
yes its me again. i just want to agree with the fact that ur writing is improving with each chapter, so u should probably go back through some of the old ones and review them. that aside i just wanted to say that i like how each chapter shows different sides of ppl. for example in this one i got to see the more vulnerable side of toriko and sweet side of sabishii. so keep up the good work, i'll be waiting for chapter 10
Pumpkin chapter 9 . 8/2/2009
i like this chapter, very enticing. i noticed some very interesting parts that make me wonder were u got the ideas but i think i already know that. now start on chapter 10 cuz i'm addicted to ur story and u can't cut me off now ;p
Custos Morum chapter 7 . 7/2/2009
Oh God. This was so sinister and twisted, Safa O_O. Very well written, but so incredibly dark and twisted... change the rating to M! This is *not* a Teen-rated story anymore! _

I don't even want to talk about the bear. Oh my God.

One inconsistency I noticed - you referred to the bear as "she" originally, then switched to using "it" in another paragraph, pick one lol.

Other comments - you narrate/describe extremely well, and the story flows really well too. I'm not sure I can't wait to read more because I'm rather apprehensive about what more evil will occur, but keep up the good writing :)

Nabila
Custos Morum chapter 6 . 9/3/2008
Wow Safa, it really seems like with each chapter you release your writing improves! You did a really awesome job setting the mood in this chapter, with all the detailed imagery. I really liked the beginning paragraphs with the car ride and Evan watching his reflection in the window everytime they passed a streetlight... it's something I do too! *Nabila is vain and likes to check herself out, oh yeah*

Also, totally didn't see it coming that Aiden would be all... evil-ish. Well I'm not sure if he's evil, but it seems like he's the master behind some grand plan he wants to use Evan in, and that is not very nice!

Waiting for next chappie,

BLOB
Custos Morum chapter 5 . 8/24/2008
"Come this way," Toriko said, pointing down the cobble-stone side street, "It's a shortcut!"

RAPE

Rofl! Seriously, that's the first thing I thought when I read that. And Aiden covering his arms is very interesting, I wonder if he has a suspicious tattoo... or vicious claw marks, since it's you who's writing this :P.

And LOL Pringles-dude - ahahaha.

"Sabishii recognized a giant cherry tree in a distant backyard as his neighbour's most treasured plant." Omg that's ME.

Okay and the moments with Mittens were just ridiculously meltingly adorably cute and sweet. If anything happens to Mittens I'll kill you.

Write more soon!

Nabila :D
Custos Morum chapter 4 . 8/18/2008
Oh my God, IS EVAN GOING ON A DATE WITH MRS. REITMAN? Lmao. I really hope not. I don't want to end up with someone who has such bad taste!

Really good chapter, btw ). You almost tricked me into thinking the nurse was evil. And you're really detailed about the spirits... it's really good you have a clear picture of them in your mind, of what they do and how they act, and what their abilities are limited to. A lot of people would just make the spirits be able to go into a body and easily heal it or whatever, but yours have all sorts of complications that make it feel much more realistic :).

One request - put spaces between ALL paragraphs/whenever you start a new line, it will make reading your story on this site a lot easier :).

-Nabs