|Reviews for MechKnight: This Blessed Plot|
| ImperialGuard202 chapter 7 . 9/19/2012
please update this! It's getting exciting how can you not finish this! Its a great piece of work!
| pinoy1 chapter 4 . 1/22/2011
Man,this reminds me of my 'old' Mechwarrior days!
| pinoy1 chapter 1 . 1/22/2011
great story! When is this great fic getting updated?
| Morohtar chapter 7 . 4/4/2009
No, it isn't terrible! It's really good, I like it a great deal.
This a great chapter - there is a wonderful "hardness" to the sci-fi here; this is very definitely a "tech" chapter, BUT then you juxtapose that with the ransom demands - that belongs to a very different world. I think this perfectly captures the tone of MechKnight.
Rudolf is a wonderful character - far more of a bastard than I would have expected him to be; but that is good, because he needs to be the bad guy here. I think that losing Monica really kind of shoved him over the edge . . .
I love the coded message, and the relationship between Vlad and Arthur.
This whole chapter is just wonderful, Merc - I really like it a great deal.
| iAdventure chapter 1 . 3/8/2009
This holds promise of a gritty, dystopian adventure with a dash of alternate history... and without holding the poor English language in a choke-hold. I enjoy stumbling across gems like these.
You pulled me in from the first line. At once, it conjured up an image of our rain-beaten, bonny island. The bit of history lesson was appreciated, but had it not been for your strong style, I might have been inclined to skip over it. As a rule of thumb, its my personal opinion that authors should avoid the 'info dump' too early on in the story and instead focus on drawing the reader with hints, make us curious, before giving us the big reveal.
Great handle on the dialogue. Surprisingly, even writers with fine styles seem to accidentally render flat speech, but the words and characters peel themselves off the screen here. Vladmir is an intriguing character-he's cautious, polite, follows customs, but there's something that sets me off about him nonetheless. I suppose I'll have to find out with the next chapter.
On my favourites this goes.
| Sarthim chapter 6 . 2/21/2009
Nice battle at the end. Hope to see more of them in coming chapters.
| Sarthim chapter 4 . 2/21/2009
Still very cool and intriguing as always. The King is a very good newcomer to the story. Nothing else to say here except it's still going strong.
| simmons chapter 6 . 2/20/2009
Your fisrt time delving into the realm of sci-fi. eh? Well you certainly picked a good author to be the only sci-fi you've read.
I like the premise a lot. Medieval knights riding massive mechs is just awesome. Aside from a few weird line spacings and odd paragraph separation, great job! Please don't leave this genre.
| Morohtar chapter 6 . 2/17/2009
Oh, I really like this. I did notice your OC - I thought that was a very cool little touch, especially as I'd already used my own fanfic OC in The Lady's Guardian.
Okay, a few technical things I noticed. You describe Maugrim as having "bag" legs - which would be awesome, but I suspect you mean "back" :) And . . . I think that was it.
The sudden jump between the planning session and straight into the battle threw me; it seemed very sudden. I think that a horizontal rule might be required here or (better yet) some little paragraph which translates as "next day". You and I have both avoided the plus perfect in the stories as well as avoiding the old "horizontal rule scene break" and I think that works really well for the genre.
I like the fight at the end. I PARTICULARLY like Vlad's opening monologue and the whole "cave lupus" scene - very cool indeed. I think that the rest of the fight isn't quite as strong - although it is very good. It seems almost as if it is a fight we are being told from the perspective of omniscient narrator, rather than by first person. I can't quite put my finger on it - I think it is the weak point in an otherwise very strong chapter.
Okay, I've front-loaded the review with my negatives; now for the stuff I thought was simply fantastic.
The scenes of Jane's life in camp were wonderful - I did like the little shrine and her reading the Bible. The technology of the Bible was cool as well - I've mentioned "holobooks" before, but I never really worked out what they were. Qudos for that. Seeing the religious touches was great - it shows that these Knights aren't just guys and girls with big suits of armor, but are in fact true Christian knights.
The interchange between Wilder and Vladimir was awesome - I must admit I had some misgivings about Vladimir as a physical kind of guy, but you make it work. And the language he uses and the tone is simply perfect! He is modelled (as you know) physically on Nathaniel Parker who plays Inspector Linley, but his personality also takes a lot of hints from there. He is arrogant, overbearing, very good at what he does, disliked by commoners (and kind of dislikes them in return) and generally speaking makes a social ass of himself in situations OTHER than hanging around with fellow nobles. Of course, those traits are not strong in him - but they are in there. And you capture them PERFECTLY, basically channelling Thomas Linley with a 50 tonne 'mech!
The notion of sex is well-handled in this chapter - and I love Vlad's very earthy comment about ripping things! Wonderfully base and bloody - awesome turn of phrase, entirely appropriate. You convey a world of brutality which has a purity of sexuality in the middle - a mediaeval world of piety and disease. Absolutely what is needed here, and I love it.
Bryghir is a wonderful character here, and he is excellently drawn. I think the scene with three 'mech warriors talking about the plans for tomorrow is cool - the technology of the projector adds to it, rather than interfering and overwhelming it. Jane's wonderful speech justifying the excusion is brilliant - and Vlad's line about God and drugs is priceless. I do agree with him! :)
Finally, the description of York and the discussion of how you get squished is great. Oh! I don't know what we want to do with regard to American / British English (because, of course, Vladimir speaks neither and this whole work has to be considered to be "translated from the Romanian" or whatever) but the phrase in British English is "pavement" not "sidewalk". Of course, we are both writing with American spelling - so I don't know.
Awesome stuff here, Merc. AND you managed to find a cool way to capture 'mechs that I didn't think of. That is damn cool in every respect and I love it. Ignore my message about EMPs.
| Sarthim chapter 2 . 1/29/2009
I'm loving this story even more as I'm reading on. It is interesting that in an alternate future Europe religon plays such a big role, as does nationalism. That's quite the unique future playing out there...I like it.
I also love the focus on the 'mechs. Mechanized warfare is without a doubt very cool and I'm sure will serve the plotline with good action.
Good new characters that were introduced. Their development was also pulled off very well. No real downside in terms of grammar or spelling either. Still a very solid story.
| Sarthim chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
This is one of the more interesting reads that I have come across. When I say interesting, I mean that I am now hooked on this precious gem I have found.
The opening paragraphs describing the setting were not my favorite part, as infodumps can become tedious, but you did manage to pull it off in a way that was interesting. Kudos to you.
I really like the setting. It seems as if Europe is almost turned into a machinery-powered dystopia. It brings that sense of wonder that good sci-fi stories have and you definitely have them here.
The narration provided by the main character was also natural and entertaining to read...he will be easy to sympathize with I'm sure.
The only thing that I hope to see improve as I read on are the reduction of infodumps, (although background info is most certainly necessary), and more depth in the main character. But I'm sure we'll know much more about him as we read on.
Great job, this has all the innerworkings of a great sci-fi story. Keep it up.
| Morohtar chapter 5 . 1/28/2009
Hey, it's back! And it's awesome!
I really like this - and I don't know how you could be afraid of "treading on my toes" when your story takes place AFTER mine and the stuff which happens after this hasn't been written! If anything, it would be me treading on yours!
Anyway, as I said, this is great. A tightly-written council scene - which all Arthurian legends need. I really like the character of Sir Charles - a nice contrast to Jane, and a good example of the traditional "rot inside the Table" that is found in the classic Arthur tale.
I really love the characterization of Jane and Vladimir in this - I've never really written Vladimir with friends before (Dominik is a father figure, Cleopatra is a protected neice and so forth) and it's good to see what he is like with them. I get the impression that Jane and he could have quite happilly married and settled down and had children and even loved - but that there is no magic there. I think that their friendship in the Balkans (which we never see, of course) was probably NOT marked by any sort of "relationship" - as they both simply accepted that it would be good, but never perfect. Vlad was waiting for Monica and Jane was waiting for the Norwegian.
Great chapter - I want MOAR! moar plz? plzkthnxbi
Pay it forward :)
| 12345no chapter 2 . 1/21/2009
I keep scrapping what I've written for this review, because it kept coming off as bad. All I can do here is speak as a reader and not as a professional in any form.
The main thing I didn't like about this was all these info dumps. It's a lot of information for me to keep track of, and you lay it on in big paragraphs of text.
It's also very dry to read and a tad boring. I haven't actually seen you do this in any of the other pieces of yours that I've read. They feel a lot more fluid, I guess.
In my opinion, it always seems better to drip feed all that information over time. Even if it seems like you're losing some clarity, I find it more interesting to read.
Sorry if this is a bit vague. I dislike critiquing writing, because it has always felt kind of subjective to me. Not like a picture where you can spot an anatomy error and see that it is wrong.
I hope this is of some use to you, anyway. You're always welcome to critique some of my work if any of it ever interests you. Link is in my profile. No worries if you don't want to, though.
I'll probably read some more of your work at some point, but I won't be reviewing unless there's something I've spotted.
| Written chapter 2 . 10/29/2008
hello! back again, I suppose.
LOVE the beginning about the lady jane gray. you give her a fascinating backstory and your description of battle scenes reminds me of... enders game.
okay, ridiculous comparison, but still. I think you write very clearly, and that's one thing that made an impression on me. with OSC's writing, I mean. the battle scenes were quite clear. I dont actively spend my days thinking about battles, so I like it when I can understand them in fiction. sometimes I just feel... too... uneducated to get it.
[Know him? The man was famous! He'd designed mechs for princes, kings, emperors! His Imperial Highness the Czar of all Russias only commanded from Mechs built by William Lisbon.]
he sounds like a fashion designer!
I sound like a ditz in this review, dont I... sigh.
i adore the way you really write the setting in naturally, if that makes sense. take care!
| Written chapter 1 . 10/29/2008
great start. love the feel of the... I don't know, futuristing but still retro england, I guess. it feels a little steampunk inspired at times, only not really at all.