|Reviews for There's a Reason for Everything|
| Spurlunk chapter 1 . 8/22/2008
You reviewed my story, so I thought I'd return the favor! I like the beginning to your story a lot, it is exactly like I wish I could write, with a good balance between description and dialogue. Only a few problems I had with it: you open the story with how much Mina hated Galen, and then she acts more or less cordial to him. I don't know. Also, how would Mina know about falconry?
But besides that, this is one of the most well-written stories I've seen on FictionPress yet, judging from the beginning of it. Good luck, and I will read more once you update!
| Custos Morum chapter 1 . 8/20/2008
O, intriguing! You really have an affinity for getting your male characters beat up, lol. And omg my car is in your story LOL.
I noticed you used "regretted" or "regret" three times in the first paragraph where I think you meant "rejected/reject", you might wanna edit that ;)
And another personal suggestion - you opened the story by describing Galen and all his dislikeable qualities - his arrogance, narrow-mindedness, conservativeness - but when Galen actually appeared I didn't really get a sense of that. Instead I got a sense of his underlying niceness... which is great, but I think it would be a lot more effective if, after you made such a strong point about his arrogance and everything in the very first paragraph, you portrayed him being that way first and then brought out his nicer side. (Basically I think he should have been more of a jerk, lol).
That's just my opinion based on this chapter though - I get that maybe you plan to show why Mina hates him later on in the story, maybe you threw in his niceness to throw off your readers? :P
Stuff I liked - details and imagery! It made it easy to imagine in my head what was going on. I know this is weird, but I really liked this particular line: "She heard the men behind her yelling something; it was barely audible over the sound of the contents of her bag jumping around" because it was such a realistic little detail! My bag can be really noisy when I'm walking too *all that food stuffed in it LOL*.
Can't wait to read more, so write more soon!