|Reviews for Son of the Chief chapter 1|
| XxShokixX chapter 1 . 12/29/2008
Firsty I loved this first chapter and can't wait for more.
Secondly, I get the feeling this is set in Celtic times(?) and if so, there should be five provinces; Ulster, Munster, Leinster, Connaught and Meath(Yup, it was once a province, how strange?).
I like your stlye of writing, it very much reminds me of Robert Jordan which is good as he's my favourite author)
Just watch your spelling and grammer and you should be grand.
Keep it up)
| moongazer7 chapter 1 . 10/27/2008
Well, the transition was too sudden with the running to defeat people and going to sleep. I wasn’t sure if he fell asleep on the conquest or what. So, maybe say that they did the defeating, then he went to bed. Also you might like to look over your grammar and spelling as I found quite a few mistakes.
| Samantha Marie Haven chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
good first chapter! you picked a very intriguing way to start the story-by that, i mean the first sentence is perfect for automatically engaging the reader...well, it's perfect what the narrator is trying to say, but it's worded a little funny. Try rewording the whole concept of his father's anger in the first little paragraph, and you're golden :)
3rd to last paragraph: "coarse" should be "course." happens to the best of us. not a big deal, just something that stood out.
interesting chapter, anyway. the narrator (the protagonist, i'm assuming) has a very good voice. that's probably becaue you have a very good voice as a writer. that's big coming from me, i'm normally very picky about the writer's voice, and i won't admit i like it unless i really do.
there's a very medieval sense to this fantasy world (as with most, i suppose) but you lay out the ambience and setting very well in the reader's head, just by throwing in words that apply to the setting so casually, like they're meant to be there, no question about it (words like cattle, village, bedchamber, etc...sometimes people will use these words and it will all seem very phony and forced. yours seemed believable, and once agian, i believe that is so because of the way you write).
so, nice job! do continue. i'll be on the look out for an update.
i'm digressing for a moment: i dream of visiting Ireland. I just noticed that you live there. well, it must be nice!
i should leave you alone now. happy writing!