|Reviews for Oh, Damn|
| tinechris chapter 7 . 5/25/2010
Amazing story. I have written this already? :D
| tinechris chapter 4 . 5/25/2010
I wish it was a real song. it was beautiful.
| tinechris chapter 2 . 5/25/2010
This is a realy good story.
Light and fluffy, plotline very followable, and humorous.
| sweets555 chapter 7 . 10/21/2008
| sweets555 chapter 6 . 10/21/2008
im glad jane got a clue and called the man
| sweets555 chapter 5 . 10/21/2008
| sweets555 chapter 4 . 10/21/2008
| sweets555 chapter 3 . 10/21/2008
why is she so silly? he's a good person!
oh, that little brat.
| sweets555 chapter 2 . 10/21/2008
aww. thats adorable.
| sweets555 chapter 1 . 10/21/2008
one question though: why is she getting drunk with her AUNT?
| Lil Bazza chapter 7 . 10/5/2008
Okay, just a quick word, if you want more review, allow anonymous people to access. I don't know if you've done it intentionally, but a lot of reviewers (myself included) don't always sign in. But that is just something trivial.
Okay, I have a lot to say. And most of it is good. I hope you like long reviews, because that is how I like them.
Firstly, I love this story. You say that you wanted to make it longer, but couldn't, I feel you could expand upon the story (as in, there was the point when Jane left Shard, and lots of time past, and I didn't even notice) as there you could establish the earlier scenes - have more dialogue, get more into the early relationship (which would be hard with a touring band but whatever) but personally I feel if you extended the story you would lose some of the freshness. Everything is quick, and happy which is how I imagine Jane to be - a quick, up beat kind of person.
If you wanted to try something (which I would think would be totally cool, and makes me wish I could write) is to write the story from Shard's perspective. He I think is the opposite of personalities, which means I think you could get much more juice out of him - you know?
You might want to give this final chapter a quick look over, I found one part where you repeated yourself in a sentence. I'm trying to look for it... found it:
"I wouldn’t have stopped you drinking that Heineken, much less made out with you, much less made out with you."
See? Little things like that.
I loved the structure of the YouTube chapter. The disjointed conversation was awesome. That's just what half a conversation sounds like. (I know, I love eavesdropping). I like how each chapter is slightly different (and I really want to hear that song... It sounds pretty cool :D), and I really you hope you continue this in the sequel. It's really different, and unusual (I sound like Kath and Kim, Aussie version) and a breath of fresh air.
Anyway, I should actually finish my History Essay for uni. 1500 more words. This has been a brilliant distraction, please post the sequel soon.
| DanBan.E chapter 7 . 10/5/2008
OMG THAT WAS SO GOOD! I love the idea, even if it's not exactly original, you made it just that. It was so cute, but deep in the same way. It was funny, but also serious. I fully enjoyed every amount of suspense as I clicked on the next button (I read the whole thing today.) I CANT WAIT TO READ THE SEQUEL!
| Trench Coats Suck chapter 2 . 10/5/2008
Loved it update asap
| Trench Coats Suck chapter 1 . 10/5/2008
I really like this idea and this chapter was written really well loved it
| chewyy the moofin chapter 6 . 9/12/2008
late review, but shivers!
love the 'i'll b waiting'.