Reviews for At War
wo bu ai ni le chapter 1 . 8/31/2008
I know how that feels. Sometimes I can't even comprehend myself or help myself. I liked the straightforwardness in the way you chose your words etc, everything about this poem seems so natural and genuine. Well done )

fleur
Sobriquet Queen chapter 1 . 8/30/2008
Well, I have to say, this seems to me to be something that would work well as song lyrics, perhaps, but doesn't seem to work as a poem...

Now, I assume its just raw emotion, but there's no rhythm or rhyme or any kind of conscious (or unconscious) technique. And in places it doesn't make sense ("I hate what my think" - I'm just guessing what you mean there). I'm sorry this might seem cruel, but a review might get this noticed by someone more sympathetic or appreciative.

You've got half of a sonnet structure though - play with the line lengths and go for a rhythm, and it could be a real, proper poem - there would even be that under-the-surface layer of meaning in using a sonnet for a poem like this. Up to you.

Keep writing, and stop hating yourself. I'm sure you've got no reason to. (: