Reviews for Hidden Behind Glass
Kuro-Kihaku chapter 8 . 9/6/2009
Cute story. Writing skills could use some improving. Jeez, it's been ages since I've been on this site! Looking back on my stories...I'm a little scared! Lol. I hope you continue posting. Good luck.
Kana chapter 8 . 9/6/2009
DUDE that was so cute! I loved it to no end! Please don't wait too long to update...that was really something right there...and it was my first time reading a fictionpress story...I am really glad I did...wow
Bob Evans chapter 7 . 1/30/2009
This was quite the interesting little story to read. It's too bad that, regardless of your promises for regular posts, you haven't even updated in the last month. Such a shame, too. I was hoping I'd at least get to see Ana and Danny meet once; particularly if during their first exchange they are oblivious to each others' online identities.

Well, now Fiction Press is telling me the value of a well rounded critique, so I suppose I should be getting to that part of the review. One of the things that attracted me to this story was your characters. They're very unique and interesting. The social situations you've placed them in are worth reading, as opposed to most of the crap normally found on this site. And above all else, the premise is what drew me in to begin with. I've always been curious about such situations like these (I'm sure we can all remember "You've Got Mail"). So you can imagine my disappointment to find that you had ceased writing since mid-December. I certainly hope this isn't the end of your characters' drama. We've only just barely scratched the surface. You have a good idea, and thus far you have made it shine.

However, with great ideas comes room for improvement. Grammar, as always, is a major issue. But it always is, so that's not a surprise. If you ever rewrite or upgrade it from "rough-draft" status, I would focus intently on dotting your I's and crossing your T's. A good story is still difficult to read if we're trying to screen through typos and missed placed commas.

Focusing on your writing style, sentence syntax is pretty good actually (another biggie with some of the so-called writers at this site), but finer details and descriptions also are need of improvement. I think one of your readers already mentioned this, but you don't want to TELL US what's happening; SHOW US. You've done well in the parts where you "show", but you still have a few instances where you simply "tell".

Overall, I thought this was very interesting. You should most definitely keep rolling with it. Even if this version isn't picture-perfect, there's also rewrites. And even if you get bored with this, there's always the next story waiting over the horizon.

So keep writing onward, fellow author!

~Bob Evans
ur sis chapter 6 . 1/30/2009
i wanna see the characters you found...and we need to talk about wat we should do together
Your sis chapter 3 . 1/27/2009
so far so good. you got my attention. I'm already wondering what's gonna happen with danny and ana especially if chris likes him...dum dum dum
Killer Kier chapter 6 . 12/17/2008
Can I have the link to see wha tyou imagined your characters as?

By the way, I love this story. :] Especially how its in two different peoples lives.
Silent Will chapter 2 . 10/23/2008
So far this is alright, but I noticed a few grammar errors, especially when writing dialogue. And there wasn't a heck of a lot of description either, but maybe that's coming later...
EliteSilverCrimson chapter 6 . 9/28/2008
not bad..interesting choice of a name. is there any importnat thing about the name Raine? meaning?
inspirations-of-late17 chapter 6 . 9/27/2008
great storty! hope they meet soon, im getting anxious! 10/10
xXxWritersXBlockxXx chapter 1 . 9/26/2008
Hey! This looks really interesting so far. I'm just sad I don't have enough time to read all of it right this second. I shall continue on another day though! As for now...I'm late for work / It's great though! Can't wait to see what else happens!

Terra
TheKingpen chapter 5 . 9/10/2008
Once again, great story! Looking forward to the review!
EliteSilverCrimson chapter 5 . 9/9/2008
oh. they are going to meet? can't wait! i totally thought they were going to meet on the bus but no, oh well!
TheKingpen chapter 4 . 9/7/2008
I love this story! The only thing I could see for you to improve upon is maybe spelling. . And there aren't that many words you spell incorrectly, so it's great anyway! This story is hilarious on some parts because I can relate to them in so many ways. Like the part on the bus when he was trying to avoid Marcus, that had me crying because I was laughing so hard. That was funny because I could relate to trying to avoid people but the world conspires against you and they somehow find you anyway! I like this story a lot, though. It sounds pretty thought out. Update soon!
blurrylights chapter 2 . 9/6/2008
Okay, so I like the story so far, but there are a few things I would change. Sometimes the way you put things is a little confusing, so maybe you should read your sentences out loud just to make sure it flows. Also, I have no clue who Jackson or Sean are right now, so maybe you should clarify that too. Other than that, good job!
blurrylights chapter 1 . 9/6/2008
Normally, a rule of thumb is to NOT in any way mention to the reader that closing the window is even possible. Not good pr...just saying. :) I like the idea a lot, and am looking forward to reading the rest. :)
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