Reviews for Grand Arcanum
Tyler Junky01 chapter 2 . 8/1/2011
"Hey, shut it already. I don't want to (get) be in the line of fire if she decides to (use) summon her element on you two knuckle heads."

A dark hairED boy spat out.

"What are friends for?" she beamed warmly. The two girls began walkING towards the gate as a group of boys approached them

Mairis, puzzled by the question, tried to keep (a) straight face thinking about the question her eccentric friend posed.

Before they knew it, the group of boys found themselves in (the) bottom of a fifteen foot hole.

She taunted as she got to her feet, ignoring all the threats and shout(s).

Lola thought as she looked up at (the) mildly warm sun.

Whether it was an illness or due (to) poor constitution.

Mairis pull(ed) herself closer to her mother.

"If (it) was up to me...

The plump butcher replied as (he) waddled towards the chicken.

"Yeah, he's going (out) back to burn his shirt,"

Azura confirmed as she (covered) her mouth (to stop) from laughing

the two began (to) their journey back.

Taking one last look at the somber obsidian memorial, (the) mother and daughter continued their journey home.
John Quinn chapter 10 . 4/17/2010
Interesting intermission. As before, no major complaints. I however must ask about the kid's name so that I might not mix him up accidentally with someone else. I suppose the red hair might be good enough for a giveaway but unless you somehow identify him like that naturally within the story, it would seem artificial and strained. Also, blue haired girl, is that who I think it is or is blue hair rather common?
John Quinn chapter 9 . 4/16/2010
Good cool down chapter. The description of the scar was vague but I believe that was for the best if you weren't looking to make someone lose their lunch or something. No complaints.
John Quinn chapter 8 . 4/9/2010
Before I begin, is Sero a last name or something because near the beginning Mairis mentioned his name and it would be odd if she knew that the guy wasn't who she thought she was and approached him anyways. Just check the section after first dialogue.

Secondly, while the chapter is certainly interesting, I just was really thrown off by her forwardness. I suppose she changed a lot or something. Not necessarily character derailment since a mother's death can really throw a person off, but it was just certainly unexpected.

Finally, did this Seto guy meet Mairis before? Personal curiosity that isn't related to the review but I was just wondering.
Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 6 . 4/7/2010
O.O What the hell just happened? I mean that in a good way. Man, she was getting her azz handed to her. I actually found it quite funny for the most part until Sai said that Azura got what she deserved. However, now I wonder what Azura did to lead vicious creatures to his family.

Also, I love your fights! They're fast paced and eventful. There's a lot of variety in it and a good fight scene usually determines whether the chapter is good or not. That and emotional decisions, angst, mystery...yeah you get what I'm saying.

Again, just go back and re-read it and you'll see some of the grammatical errors you made, but nothing too big in this chapter actually. I'm glad you mentioned Lola again, which means she's going to be making an appearance later on. That's good, because I was waiting for her. I hope you bring Lustre back as well. Heart, this story is extremely good, and I TRULY love it. As long as you keep going, I'll keep reading. That's a promise.
John Quinn chapter 7 . 4/3/2010
Interesting chapter, feels sorta like a cool down with all the fighting going on. Also seems like a good way to catch up with people before the time skip. Anyways, good chapter, no criticism but I'm not good at giving it in the first place.
John Quinn chapter 6 . 3/26/2010
Interesting chapter. But why in the world do all of the teachers seem borderline crazy? Anyways, the fight scenes are descriptive enough and while her getting a powerboost may seem like it came out of nowhere, there is probably a good reason behind it. Honestly, I liked the last chapter better, but that's just my personal opinion.
Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 5 . 3/23/2010
O.O Holy crap, I didn't even realize I was almost done with the chapter until I actually finished it!

Truly, I forgot to look for errors, though I know I found one. This chapter was just too damn good! Every emotion you planned for your readers to experience happened to me. (Especially the part where Azura was in the air, and then the wolf head...yeah, you know what I mean.)

One thing, I didn't know if you had already said that this was all a flashback or not, but I didn't know that the first few chapters were the past until this chapter. It was much clearer to understand that Mairis isn't a child anymore. However, I want to ask what happened to Zilvan, Lola, Lustre and the others, but like always, I'll just read to find out.

First Reptillian creatures and now Werewolves. The mystery continues to build and I'm enjoying every second of it. Your fights are very detailed too, and the length is great. (I tend to do EXTREMELY LONG fight sequences, so the only thing that would dissappoint me would be a too short one.) This story has a balance of humor, action, and suspense, making much MUCH more than just an average story.

Lastly, it seems that Azura couldn't forsee everything, though she didn't show surprise at Mairis' arrival. Maybe she thought that Mairis would always listent to the voice in her head, but only you know. Well, off to another chapter! IKITO!
Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 4 . 3/23/2010
Okay, so I finished the next chapter. I want to begin by saying, THIS WAS THE GREATEST CHAPTER SO FAR! Small traces of comedy here and there, lots of action, foreshadowing, and Mairis' abilities manifesting. (Or it was either pure magic, or the pendant.) All in all, I loved this chapter, I truly did. It was amazing from begining to end and since I'm reading this in school, I couldn't wait to get to my next period so I could finish it.

Character wise, it's a big improvement, and I guess much can be explained through a battle. Zilvan is a very recognizable character now, while Charon and Garrett still didn't seem as important. However, I still understood what their purpose for this chapter was, and I'm still only going to wait before making any more assumptions on that. Lustre did seem quite EVIL in this chapter, but the end rectified all of that. Because of that she is once again my favorite character. I was expecting Lola to be explained in this chapter, but since this was close to perfect, I can't complain.

Next, you still missed a lot of words here and there, and at some points in the story you switched between first person and third person. At those times, it slightly got confusing.

Other than those, this entire chapter was amazing. The reptallian monsters that showed up was the foreshadow I was talking about so I'm looking forward to finding out about them. A great chapter, and of course I'm going to be reading more. IKITO!
Tyler Junky01 chapter 1 . 3/20/2010
Ive come to offer my thanks for the beta read, My friend. This chapter was pretty short, but it withheld my attention and thats defiantly a good thing since I've been known to have a short attention span.

The main haroien, reminds my of someone from anime, but I'm not sure who. I think someone from Soul Eater. But anyways the discription was dont nicely and it flowed well. Just the fact that it's surprisingly short is my only small and unimportment complaint.
John Quinn chapter 5 . 3/19/2010
Wow, good. I mean it, there was nothing glaringly troubling that stood out. The only part I dislike would be the flash back thing since I'm not a big fan of being placed in the middle of the story. But that's purely a stylistic choice and shouldn't be really a big factor. It'll all make sense eventually.
Emerald Apollo chapter 3 . 2/23/2010
Again there were a few words missing here and there, and then there were a couple of misused words, but it was a good chapter!

Emerald Apollo chapter 2 . 2/22/2010
Other than a few words here and there that were not added, this was a really good chapter. Sentence structures were really good!

John Quinn chapter 2 . 2/12/2010
So far, it has been very good. There may have been one or two issues with transitioning from one scene to the next but by this time you probably fixed it.
Vio the Wandering Lover chapter 3 . 5/21/2009
The emotions portrayed in this chapter was well done. The way Azura treated Mairis is just like how a mother would treat her daughter in real life. Their bond was done nicely, and the part about the dream was great too. It makes me wonder what's going to happen to Azura later on, so now I can't wait to keep reading.
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