I hope you put more up soon. :) i was curious what would be the next adventure for Holly, but I think i know what it is now.

Baha. i vote the ski lift. please, toss her off of it.

XD

Okay, I will not mince words, you have an amateurish writing style. You make the same mistakes we all do, Jail Bait had an inconsistent feel to it, and you need a lot of work to improve your writing. Now that I have the criticisms out of the way, I can tell you what you did right. You made a great story that left me wanting to read more. I read some really bad pieces of crap on this site, but that is only on the surface. I try to see past a writer's current abilities, because this is a site made for improving our abilities, I read more for the plots. Yours may have used a few too many plot devices (in this case I'm referring to the unrealistic escaping of being noticed by such an advanced group that was even able to penetrate into the Pentagon), but you still kept me here until now, right? Now, I check this story almost every day, as part of a routine check of sites I check every day to see if they are updated. PLEASE update! I want to see more of this story!

you know...

i have to say im slightly disapointed... not in your writing, just at the shortness... you see you kept me waiting for like ever! and then you give me this... i want MORE!

AH! Why is there no more? I really really really want to read the rest, please please post more!

hahahaha shes evil lol

lol i prefered her with the thought of having pink hair tbh it seemed more her lol

read the first story and i thought id review this one so ull add more chappies

anyway-jared's cousins-weasly twins inspired? lol

look forward to next one

x

Cali called again and said they wanted that joke back, and there very affended. lol. I love it. Almost how i pictured her to be. tho i am voting for pushing her off the ski lift, wouldn't that just make the story AWSOME!

Travis, sounds so... YUMMY. Poor Jared, will he learn when you ignore your girl friend, they tend to star in the 'Girls Gone Wild' Videos. So fair warning when your up late night watching the show anf Holly comes up, don't be to upset just know somewhere at sometime you fucked up.

Oh Snap! When I read this I was like OMFG I KNEW IT! There were a couple! (At one point)And then i was like 'NO WAY' Cause ya knew Lins is gonna get all jelous in shiznit. Am I right, I think Im right. Sorry this is taking so long to get out, im working with a broken left finger/knuckle/side of hand dillio.

Anywho, I love the cousins, just as i pictured them. And Poor Jared talk bout embarrismen right. And Holly, talk bout TMI right.

Chan't wait for the next chappie.

Poat it sooner this time, Pwease.

loads of love,

NEWWRITER

great update :D

loved it, its cute

update SOON :D

x

Haha, josh and justin are funny. Jared's family seem interesting, and I'm still worrying about Lindsay!

Awesome chapter, can't wait for more! :)

Must you keep me waiting? I mean really if this stupid thing would let me review a chap twice I would. Gah! I say Gah!. Oh, competition, who will win his heart in the end?

Will it be ski girl ot wanna be ski girl?

LOL, i can see it now. Hee hee it better be Holly. I will be seriously pissed if it isn't. I warning you know...

*dun dun dun*

aw this lindsay girl better not start trouble! i'm going to be worrying about it now until the next chapter, lol!

whopies

love it

update soon

x

sounds interesting! cant wait to see what happens.

YAH! -i scream at the top of my lungs- Woot. Another chapter, you posted another chapter, a chappie. im going to be your offically review poster throughout your entire story. Yah! you posted another chapter.

ps

Woot another chapter i can't wait for another one. (imagine can't and wait underlined fiftybizzilon times.)