|Reviews for i ask for a different hand|
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 3/2/2009
the pain, the sting of betrayal are precisely expressed here. i really like the style. great work.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/13/2008
Thanks for your review!
You switch tenses, which I didn't like 'cause it confused me. You start off past in the first two lines and then the rest is present.
"because yours has had me".. the has had sounds a bit awkward. Maybe has left me would be better?
I really like the idea of the piece. I like the personification of knives, it was really great and poetic. I also like the whole street thing at the end, that was unique. The only thing that confuses me is the beginning. I don't understand why you focus on the you and their pain and then switch you your pain. It's like you make us feel empathy towards them and make us dislike that, it seemed odd, but maybe I'm missing something.
Still a really great piece.
PS If you're bored this weekend check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 9/9/2008
The flow of this was interesting. Particularly in the first stanza, the short words at the beginning of each line broke up the lines. However, it did still have a sort of rhythm to it which carried throughout the piece.
Your sentence structure suited the poem well. The sentences were long and broken up, which made it feel like the narrator hadn't planned any of this out. This made it feel more like a conversation to the person.
The stanzas were organized well. Each had a complete idea that was not dependant on others. However, as I was reading, I felt that the ideas were too seperate and not enough of a complete thought. I'm currently listening to metal music and a dishwasher, though, so it could just be that I'm distracted :/
I like how the subject was conveyed. You were vague on certain aspects, but the point was made quite clearly. The vagueness made it feel more like a poem, and the bluntness got your point across to the readers. You balanced the two well.
Beautiful work :)
| Poena Sensus chapter 1 . 9/8/2008
Enjoyable, to a strange extent, after reading the poem I almost fear I know you, lets say that I have had, at least by my glance of the poem a similar experience. If I may make a connection to a song, the first stanza had me thinking of a song called Strawberry Gashes. I do not know what kind of music you are into but I would recommend checking out the song regardless of taste.
Anyway I should get over my long windedness and tell you what I liked. (If I had found something I did not like then I would warn you of that as well)
First of all I enjoyed the metaphors, sleeping with knives...the scene in the street; all is envisioned and thoroughly enjoyed because of it.
Now I would also like to state that your poem did not rhyme like most do, and I loved that, most copy antiquarian or neo-modern styles while I felt some touch of individuality within your poem. It was optimistic to see that individual’s still exists.
Lastly I enjoyed the content of the poem, knowing someone that sleeps with knives myself, I felt highly related to this poem, and to this situation. Thank you for writing it is truly enjoyed.
| DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 9/7/2008
hmm...very different. unique. i like that in a poem, or story, or whatever. i'd have to say that my favorite part is the second staza, mainly the last two lines. it's really cool and i just like the way you worded it "i still have my ears and i hear you plotting"
the last stanza tells me that someone back-stabbed you and you can no longer trust them. you would rather trust a stranger than that person. i'm not sure if this was the meaning of the whole poem or not, maybe somehow you could make that a little more clear, but that's what i got out of it
the flow of it is a little bit off for me though, but other than that i liked it ] different, unique