|Reviews for You're my escape|
| Sir Scott chapter 2 . 12/11/2009
These were an interesting couple of chapters. I am curious as to what the man in the tea cup store really is. I never thought about saving a first kiss for someone. There is something romantic about it though. Keep writing look forward to reading more.
| KelaBelle chapter 2 . 11/20/2009
I am loving this story and whats happened so far. That must of hurt caughting her foot on the table I did something simular before. Amazing I loved how everything flowing in pace slowly.. wonder what will happen now.
- From The R.H
| YasuRan chapter 2 . 11/19/2009
Before I get to the plot, there were heaps of spelling and grammatical mistakes in your work. I suggest getting someone to proofread your work since it was very distracting to have to read through so many errors.
Plotwise, it seems a bit too rushed and I haven't really gotten the feel of any of the characters yet.
Sorry if I sounded harsh but that's just my honest opinion. You're free to disagree but I'm just trying to help.
| estrickland89 chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
Well this was good. The paragraphs are a little long, but I have that problem too sometimes so I'm not worried. There were a few grammatical errors that could really be over looked.
Other than that, it was really good. I wish college was like that for me :(
| A Silence in Winter chapter 1 . 10/23/2009
Just so you know, the opening paragraph had me thinking of Cicero from The Cell Block Tango. XD Don't worry, that's a good thing. :)
But, WOW! O_O;; I don't even know what to say! The opening of this story just hits like none other. D: I can't tell what's going to happen and I absolutely LOVE that! X33 These are the kinds of stories that you /want/ to read. It's SO compelling! XDD I was sucked in from line one. :D
Just a couple things I noticed real quick...
Your paragraphs were really, really, REALLY long. Typically, this drives people away. I don't like it much myself... Walls of text scare me because it can be hard to read. I can loose my place easily and just be floating in a gigantic ocean. So I would recommend trying to find some place to put a break in paragraphs. ;
There were also a few grammatical errors. I noticed that sometimes you were comma happy, and then you would go completely the other way and use no commas. You kinda flip-flopped between the two... i.e. "But no(,) I fell prey to myself,.(A)and I couldn’t take it anymore."
I noticed a couple of missing words in sentences too. " ‘m not quite sure why I girl such as her is hanging out with me." - I noticed a few of these. It's hard, just watch for it! x33
One final thing, I noticed that you flipped between past and present tense a lot. although, many, many, MANY authors struggle with that. Just watch out for it, okay?
The overall premise of this story is quite intriuiging. As I said, there is absolutely NO predictable element in this story other than that someone is killed. O.O You've got me on the edge of my SEAT wondering who it's gonna be!
And OH that mystery boy! His alley counterpart has me confused, but in a good way. XD I'm trying to solve the puzzle that is him. You've presented us with a very different and unique challenge of solving him. Grawr, I'm no good at puzzles. Dx ...Which means you should update soon. -hinthint-
Although, I am coming in from Roadhouse and it sounded like you were relying on us to tell you whether or not to continue this story. While I am already loving and I would glomp you with hugs and love if you continued this story, ultimately, you have to write for yourself. Nobody can decide if your work is worthy but you. And I feel that to produce good work, the person you have to write for is yourself, not your audience. ...Although encouraging reviews are always nice. xDD
SO! :D I'll leave my utter amazement and cross my fingers and hope that you decide to continue this fabulous story. :)
| FuckMeAlice chapter 1 . 9/10/2008
Just a grammatical error in the title. It should be 'You're My Escape'. I would split up the paragraphs in your story so they can go better with your very nice dialogue. As it is, it feels like a sandwhich that has thin slices of meat in between two huge pieces of bread. Pardon the food analogy, I haven't eaten all day. GOod wrok apart from that!