|Reviews for Wolfskin|
| Chasing Skylines chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
The ending gave enough of a feeling of closure. I also liked how it ended with humor.
As far as I could tell, it fit to the time period (which I don't know, but can guess at). Also, you did a good job of making each character's dialogue unique enough as to be discernible and separate.
From the first paragraph, I can see this has a very archaic tone to it. The use of imagery through phrases like, 'fling the abundant snows about with reckless abandon' or 'its timbre occluded by the wuthering of winds and shuntering of snow' was well done. I may not know what 'wuthering' or 'shuntering' means, but from the context, I get a good enough idea.
Although, from the first paragraph, there are quite a few adjectives, which gave a slight impression of adjective stacking. The idiosyncratic verbs balanced it enough, though.
[He was tall and broad-shouldered]
-_-' I have seen this description so many times I accidentally skimmed over it. I would even prefer 'towered over her' (which is becoming more commonly used, lowering the affect of using that verb for description).
[the layers of furs piled upon their breadth making his shoulders seem moreso.]
Though that part of the description eased the execrable first part of the sentence.
["Indeed it would," Lord Westford replied, obviously interested.]
If it's obviously interested, then why do you have to describe it as obvious?
As a general note: If you've set the mood, don't debilitate it with adverbs that 'tell' it more.
[the young Lord had forgotten completely about the cold]
Ew, adverb. I don't have a variety of suggestions this time, let alone good ones, so how about, "the young lord did not recall the cold"?
[he hastily affixed his fur cloak in its place]
Would 'fastened his fur cloak' work in place of your verb adverb combo? I do like that you used a not commonly applied verb like 'affixed,' though.
[she leaned back into the comfortable embrace of her flame-warmed chair.]
I am wondering why you keep describing chairs and the temperature. It's quite well aware to the reader that this place is cold, and details for chairs are uninteresting. Unless you hope for contrast later on? XD
[main hall, long, dank, and drafty]
I suggest picking a couple potent adjectives only, not overloading on three to describe a hall.
[The genealogy," the wolf mumbled absentmindedly.]
I am feeling the 'mumbled' implied the adverb here.
["Where is Lord Westford?" he inquired]
Said-bookism. 'Asked' is adequate, considering I've spotted you using 'inquired' before.
Third offense; too much use. At least find another adverb. XD
[hugged his prized coat protectively]
Clutched? Though I do like 'hugged' here, so it's okay.
[completely ignoring his wife's question.]
You don't need to tell the reader that. If he ignored it, then he didn't answer the question, and the reader would know that.
- Spelling/Grammar (anything that stuck out and needed to be corrected?)
["Of course," Lady Wolfskin nodded in compliance before looking up at her guest.]
The part after the dialogue is an action (nodding), hence that should be a period after 'course,' instead of a comma.
[she would be examining cold black maw]
Are you sure you're not missing a 'the' before cold black maw?
[Lady Wolfskin sighed, aggrieved, "Again?"]
I've always wondered... does 'sighed' count as a variation of said? I see it as an action. If I'm correct, then it should be a period after aggrieved.
- Enjoyment (how did you feel from reading this and WHY? Were you dozing off? On your seat with suspense? How so?)
[the hood of his wolfskin coat slipping down to reveal an elderly man with whitened hair.]
Yah, I enjoyed this. It had a bit of a half-half balance between whether this would actually happen (whether my prediction was right), but then also had an aspect of humorous mystery and speculation to it.
I kept thinking of the north and south in regards to A Song of Ice and Fire. Just a note. XD
I'd bookplug, but you're already looking for it. P
I think that was a bookplug to readers of this review. Wooh, free promotion ad for A Song of Ice and Fire. XD
| Interrobang chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
First of all, I really love your writing style. It has a certain grammatical flexibility ("myriad shawls" "making his shoulders seem moreso") that adds to the sort of luxurious and exotic feel of the story. The long descriptions also make the story sound very old-fashioned, as well as small details about the castle, the wine and such.
I enjoyed Lady Wolfskin (her name felt a bit awkward at first, but it made sense when she explained it), she seems very 'femme fatale', not necessarily evil, but very mysterious. Lord Westford was great too; I liked the little boyish spirit in him. He’s sort of like a kid who loves to hear scary fire-side stories, but then gets really freaked out by them.
The persistent theme of warmth and cold was interesting, although a few times in the story it seemed a little… not forced, but repetitive. It did add a bit of humanity into the piece, after, all everyone gets cold, even semi-werewolf lords and ladies.
The beginning of the story was very nice, the description of the setting made me wonder what kind of people would live in such a place. I also liked the little lecture on fashion Lord Wolfskin received from his lady on fashion, it added an element of humor. But the very end confused me, mainly the last line “Lord Westford could hardly conceal his boyish eagerness.” Was that a mistake, because I thought he had turned tail and run away?
| Heart of The Tainted chapter 1 . 9/5/2008
This is Heart of the Tainted, playing the Review Game, Will I pass with an adequate review, Let's see...
The plot was interesting to say the least. To be honest, I had to do a double take and re-read. One of two things come to mind about the ending, either 1) Lady Wolfskin used the legend of her husband's ancestory to scare Lord Westford or 2) Lord Wolfskin doesn't know he transforms when wearing the coat. Either way, the plot was a little less than clear. The way I took it was the former. Being hyped by the legend, Lord Westford's eyes failed him in seeing Lord Wolfskin.
Another thing about the story at times, I found, was it to be quite verbose. It effected the flow of the story in the beginning and made it difficult to hook me in personally. The first three paragraphs describe in pain staking detail how cold it is but after which, isn't mentioned again. After the two got down to business and chatted about the story, the pacing picked up, which is always good. The part where Lord Westford peers over to see Lord Wolfskin; there could be a little more added to slow the pacing to show his anticipation and apprehension.
No matter what though, I do sympathize for Lord Westford. A man in foreign land, in the dead of a blizzard, coming to investigate a matter and is scared senseless to the point he ran back out! Poor guy. I feel like Lady Wolfskin just played a horribly cruel joke that Lord Wolfskin wasn't previed to. Makes you say, "What a biotch!" Hating characters is a total compliment from me by the way. As for Lord Wolfskin, he just seemed to come off as bumbling old fool. Poor guy.
About the opening to the ending, it felt like a horror story in the beginning. I expected some blood,guts, and shrieking, but in the end, the story came off as a humorous mishap. In the end, I blame Lady Wolfskin. I sorta expected a large, feral monstousity behind the desk ready to scare me senseless. In the end, the humor portion of the story didn't sink in until after I started going back and rereading. A little recalibration can fix that.
Well I hope this helps, and thanks for writing. In the end, I enjoyed reading Wolfskin.