|Reviews for Can You Hear Me Now?|
| Blackblooddoomwolf chapter 1 . 5/22/2011
I love it. That is me.
| Vanilla Tea chapter 1 . 10/3/2008
This poem is amazing. Very powerful. I can't pick an absolute favorite line out of this, because there are too many strong ones, but I do like the lines
"i talk but no one hears
i scream and no one cares",
and "can you hear me now?"
I also found the line "only to come home to the silence of family," particularly sad. What's also good about this poem is that every line is significant, because its a short poem.
| criti-sized chapter 1 . 9/23/2008
Since the minor errors have been pointed out, I'm not going to bother repeating them a second time. No need for repitition. Other than that, the poem was very nice. The wording and emotions that were in it came off very well.
| Curry Powder chapter 1 . 9/23/2008
Wow. This is really powerful. It shows us how much people have to do before others acknowledge that they need help, and until then, they're trapped.
Just a couple of grammar errors- It should be 'hellos' without the apostrophe, and in stanza 2 line 2, it's 'with its promises of relief', its without the apostrophe. Otherwise, no issues as far as I could see.
| Lime-Cat chapter 1 . 9/13/2008
I'm pretty sure it's your choice of style for this piece, but there is no capitalization in this piece other than the title, which is fine.
I like how you personify 'eyes' and 'wrists' in the first and second line, but the image I got was odd because I saw a pair of eyeballs 'screaming for love'. This is good imagery, but it's a little bit cliche. As for the "wrists find nothing but sorrow" is especially weird because wrists can't find nor feel sorrow; the heart does though. Overall the eyes personification is fine, but the one about the wrists should be changed or taken out and replaced with something else that's equally emotionally moving. To make these two lines even better, I think it would be a good idea to connect these body parts to "you", the narrator instead of referring to them as objects - it creates a detached, distanced feeling that isn't as strong.
"i talk, but no one hears;" - I inserted a comma and semicolon in this line to help with the pauses that the reader should experience. (at least, that's how I read it.)
"i scream and no one cares." - I inserted a period at the end of this line, not because it's the end of the stanza/thought, but rather because I thought it would be good to have a hard stop here to give these last two lines a greater impression/effect.
"alone in my haven is where it calls" - the wording of this line is very odd and confusing. Do you mean to say something along the lines of 'my haven calls me'? Reword this to make it clear what it is you want to say.
"with a slow swipe the world disappears" - I'm not sure the word 'swipe' is what you want to use here. A similar word would be sweep and that makes more sense in my head.
"only to reappear with a glimpse of red" - Ok, the color red caught me off guard. What are you referring to...blood? anger? Attach another word after the color red, like '...with a glimpse of red anger' if the color is referring to an emotion. I think it would make this line stronger that way.
Overall, this is a nice piece and has a sort of melodramatic feel to it. There was a hint of angst in here though, but I'm sure fictionpress won't allow you to add another category to this poem...haha.
As a final note, I thought the summary was misleading because I don't see how this poem reflects a teen trying to find the meaning of their life when the narrator is describing how they feel. I felt it was more like a teenager trying to get some attention rather than the meaning of their life with the description that is depicted.
| Eagle Seance chapter 1 . 9/9/2008
"...with a slow swipe the world disappears." Impressive line. A few grammatical errors (e.g. 'with it's' should be 'with its'), and you could use more poetic devices (rhymes would work for this poem although you have used some indirect rhymes like 'hears' and 'cares'). Good overall.
| Phoenix Star Bird chapter 1 . 9/8/2008
This is a very good and deep poem. I like how you accuratly protray how it feels to be alone in the world.
| DiaRose chapter 1 . 9/4/2008
That's so sad. It's beautiful writing, though. I hate to say something so unimportant about a lovely piece of writing, but it really distracted that you did not capitalize your Is or the beginings of lines. The poem, though, was amazing. It's a concept a lot of people use, but you managed to make it your own, and convey a lot of feeling. Very lovely