|Reviews for Crying Shame|
| skyward squidly squee chapter 1 . 10/17/2009
Here's your Freebie review, gigglebug. ;)
Spelling/Grammar: There was a mistake in the first stanza. "You better by gone".. It should say "be gone." Also, one line is "Ya hear me?".. It really should be "You."
Word Choice: I did like some of your word choice, but it was also odd sometimes, and some of it just did not mesh. I liked how you used language like, "too often.." and "such a pity, such a shame," but you also said, "ya..," "get you," "ain't," and "gonna."
Flow: Well, the flow was pretty much alright but with parts that really messed it up in a way that didn't add to the poem. Like, the first stanza was flowing well enough, but with the last two lines it's messed up and I don't like it. ;P Actually, besides those two lines I think it's pretty good.
Enjoyment: Well, even now I don't see what the first stanza added to the rest of the poem. The first four lines of the second stanza were awkward from me, just because of the language you used and how I wasn't sure what you meant. Beyond those lines, I really liked it, though. I could relate well to it. I liked the rhyme where there was rhyme. And I really liked "Such a pity, such a shame/That I know you so well" before "Such a pity, such a shame,/You don't really know me."
- giant squid.
| vitriolicvermilion chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
I like the premise of the poem-it's relateable and written so that everyone can feel like it's personalized to them, yet it's very personal to you, too. I love the places where it rhymes; it makes the flow go so much better!
Some of the language was great, some of it was okay. Don't get me wrong; I really liked the poem. Overall, it was quite good. There were just a few places where it felt awkward.
For real, though. Nice (:
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
I love the tone of this. You gave such the persona such a distinct manner of speech, that I could really get a glimpse of her character in the short span of this piece. It brought a new dimension to a very common topic.
I also like the "that I know you so well" followed by "you don't really know me." Their meanings are relatable to many of your readers, so they really say a lot with few words.
[You don’t know what I seek!] This line seemed a bit off. It seems too sophisticated for the persona's style of speech.
Nice read overall. You gave an interesting twist to a breakup poem.
| Okamimaru chapter 1 . 9/10/2008