Reviews for Xavier: A Cinderella Story
Erantera109 chapter 30 . 11/11/2013
I do realize this review is about as long as your novel, but your novel's pretty long so it needs a lengthy review.
It's wonderful that you've been keeping at this story for so long. I can see the improvement in your writing and I love how each string of plot has been woven into the tale which has now become a wonderful Cinderella story. As any Cinderella story, its plot heavily relied upon previous Cinderella stories and I can't say that I missed the subtle odors of Essence of Ella Enchanted or Eau de Ever After sprayed upon the pages. Regardless, you have brought your own unique tale to life with vibrant characters and a strong artistic voice. Although the base elements of the plotline are by no means unique, the way this story is weaved together introduces new and intriguing ideas.
As I said, your writing has much improved, which means that your first chapters could use a bit of work. They've got a few I-wrote-this-at-3:00-am errors in them. Nothing grave or worrisome. There is one error that I will say stood out in my mind though: there's a random hyperlink pasted smack in the middle of chapter eight.
Also, I'm beginning to get the impression that your characters have made their home in a world that is not Earth. Therefore it makes absolutely no sense for your characters to curse Christ or make references to Christianity.
I urge you to finish this story as soon as you can. It was powerfully emotional (I giggled for hours on end when I was reading this). I would love to know what dear Adri will do about her predicament.
Thryna chapter 2 . 6/18/2013
Henri is horrid. I can't understand why in the world her mother would ever marry him. is he that good of an actor? Augh, I can't wait to find out what happens. I'm really liking the names you use, too. Adrianna, Ayella, Caramella, even Zachariah all have this amazing ring to them when I read them. "Xaviandrian" sure is a tongue-twister!
Thryna chapter 1 . 6/18/2013
I really like the concept of this story ! The whole "hidden royal in a foreign land" is just an amazing background for this story. I can't wait to start reading!
Guest chapter 14 . 6/18/2013
I have to agree with Dri. fiddle-faddle is an excellent word to read/say/use. Even if it isn't 100% a real word, haha. Its so cute how you have thme spending so much time together in these couple chapters. keep it up!
Guest chapter 6 . 6/18/2013
These two speaking together is so cuttte! I have really enjoyed reading this so far and was like I may as well say so! This is super good, so keep it up! I'm gonna keep reading!
Anita chapter 30 . 6/16/2013
I absolutely love your take on Cinderella! I've finally caught up on the Oceana one, which is just amazing! Do you think you will finish this? I'm dying to know how this ends!
Annalia chapter 15 . 7/26/2011
My friend suggested I read this, and boy was I impressed. This is a great tweak on the Cinderella story, though I do believe it is a bit silly he doesn't just expose Henry and the stepsister for Adri's place. Great work!
Qweeren chapter 1 . 7/26/2011
This story is sooo good! Please write more!
Thryn Of Fae chapter 30 . 7/10/2011
This story is well written and I can find few flaws with it. I had read it before and had left it be, dissapointed to find that there was no end to the tale of Adrianna's plight. I returned to Xavier again recently to see if an ending had been added. I was sad to discover it had not been but I re-read it anyway and I am glad To say it still holds its charm and allure. I would love to be able to see how she breaks her past to him and how he take it. The entire time I have been reading on the edge of my seat, and the story would be a god one to see the ending to. My criticisms are few and my praises many.

So, my opinions in no particular order:

*the characterizations are especially well done. I espcially like Jana and liaths personalities.

*the Xaviandrian history confuses me. If they only had one ruler, how would their ruler have left such an impact- an entire language?

*more on magnus would be good for his character- stories or rumors of hi ruining familes etc

*There were no large gramatical errors as I could see

*the DEcription is just enough- not to much or to little

All in all I really enjoyed this story and would love to see the outcome
unemployed-joy chapter 1 . 4/21/2011
Solid foundation. It's believable, always love a coup. Maybe include something about the military? That's an important detail that shouldn't be skipped over.

-Sylvia
TreadingSoftly chapter 4 . 7/5/2010
I agree with the previous comments that it is surprising your story doesn't have a least a few hundred reviews! I love a cinderella story. I'm only up to chapter three, but so far the flow of the story and especially the dialogue is really good! It's very hard to find stories like this on fictionpress, so thank you very much for posting!
Kharysa chapter 30 . 7/31/2009
I love this story :D I love interpretations of fairy tales, and I love the plot you put along with it. I think your writing is excellent and I can't believe you don't have about a hundred more reviews, but I'm really glad I found it :) Keep writing please!
Alsles chapter 30 . 7/1/2009
Sorry for not reviewing again before now, but this is the first opportunity I've had to read in a while.

I am still as in love with your story as I was before.

I was definitely excited that Adri had the chance to talk with Elias. It was interesting to hear his opinion on her and her actions.

I don't really have any constructive criticism for you, just keep up the good work. You're characters are brilliant to read about and keep me coming back.

I can't wait to read more!
jlr chapter 30 . 3/30/2009
As always, the chapter was a pleasure to read. I love Elias' character growth. And the Silians were just as expected, charming, but not too cookie cutter neat. I do think you might want to find another word for whatever you mean by "reactionary," because I don't think that the word quite fits in this context. You've used it before, and I always get a little confused because while it can just mean someone who is conservative, doesn't it really lend itself to someone conservative who is encountering the opposing viewpoint and wants to revert back to the old ways? I know that he's conservative, but doesn't Adri think that everyone else is conservative as well? Isn't that one of the major themes of the story? I am probably reading too much into the choice of this one word, but it takes me out of the story every time I read it. Don't think too hard about this (it is after all your story). Update soon. jlr
jlr chapter 29 . 3/2/2009
It would be nice, although I grant you less climactic, if she used her visit to the prince to tell him about her past. That way they could come up with some plan to deal with Magnus together. Actually, I think that it is out of character for her to accept slavery over telling Zach the truth, so if it is what is going to happen, you're going to have to come up with some kind of explanation for it. It is also kind of weird that she doesn't notice that Magnus has no problem with her past and only sees it as a secret he can hold against her.

I still like the letter format in the chapter, although, after finding out about her possible future it kind of lowered the intensity level.

I love your updates. jlr
28 | Page 1 2 Next »