|Reviews for Racing Thoughts|
| Lime-Cat chapter 1 . 9/13/2008
After reading this poem, I'm confused why it is categorized as a Tragedy. I can see the drama and the fuzzy friendship (I thought it leaned more towards love than friendship, mainly because of the second to last line of the poem.) connection, but the tragedy thing really stumped me.
First off, fictionpress tricked you into putting your title twice in the poem! Go edit out the first instance of "Racing Thoughts" before the bolded and underlined title. )
I like how you isolated the line "I hate you" and the couplet in the middle of the poem - it really stands out and leaves a deep impression on the reader.
You start off the poem with punctuation - the period after the first three lines that form a sentence - but the rest of the poem doesn't have any more punctuation other than the three questions at the end of the poem. It's inconsistent - either have punctuation throughout the poem or leave it out. I would suggest you add more punctuation in because I think hard stops (i.e. ending with a period) at the single line, "I hate you.", "You make me feel loved.", and "You make me feel needed." would be even stronger and stand out even more than it already does.
Sorry that I'm jumping back to the beginning of this poem, but the first three lines:
"Thoughts of you/ Racing through my head/ Leave me no room to think." - This is technically a fragment. You should either have 'Thoughts of you are/ Racing through my head,/ Leaving me with no room to think.' OR 'Thoughts of you/ Race through my head, /Leaving me with no room to think." or possibly even 'Thoughts of you / Race through my head / And leave me no room to think." Pick one of these variations and go with it because these sound more grammatically correct than what you currently have.
Nice slant rhyme, by the way.
Ah, your summary! Perhaps try: "To my best friend, I hope things can go back to the way they were." Right now, I'd say it's grammatically incorrect. 3
| DiaRose chapter 1 . 9/11/2008
Well, all of it's not entirely original, but it is a nice poem, it's very full of feeling and meaning, I like it. Next time maybe try and think of prettier and more unique words to define such a beautiful emotion.