|Reviews for Daydream|
| Miharu Matsuko chapter 1 . 3/25/2009
I'll guess the princess on the tower up above. :
| Grey Lemaire chapter 1 . 1/11/2009
Cute subject; everybody loves to daydream :)
Some advice to help you improve:
1) You use a comma in the middle of each line and I think you are doing this to try to control the rhythm. It isn't necessary and it's bad form, so only use commas where you would use them if this were a work of prose.
2) There are a lot of instances where your word choice doesn't quite make sense. An example of this is: "I follow the stars, to where it might lead". You call the stars 'it' when you should use 'they'. Another example is: "I slash him with an attack so profound". I feel like you could find a word that fits better than profound. Don't settle for words just because they fit the rhyme scheme!
3)Finally, if you are going to rhyme, pay careful attention to the rhythm. It's off in a couple places. For example: "I can be a prince, finding his damsel in distress / This is the one I like most of all, I must confess." The second line has too many syllables.
Hope this was helpful!
| lostladyknight chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
This was wonderful! It's my favorite of yours.
| FELICIA-SPENCER chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
This was a bright and whimsical poem, and I really enjoyed this a lot. The fairy tale aspect of this was also wonderful. It made me think of the happily ever afters that you hear so much about. Wonderfully written.
| XxMadHatterxX chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
i like the rhyme and rhythm and how it doesn't sound forced. that's very rare on fictionpress these days hahaha and loved the imagery, too.
| PunkAssBoy chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
Let it be known that this is my first ever review so I apolagize if it is not of great help.
I found the concept of the piece original and it was easy to fall in to the daydream with you.
I don't feel in a position to be a critique at this stage!
An all round very nice piece
| Serenity Muse chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
This is great and so true for me as well :-D.
| seventh.movement chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
Awesome poem, i can really relate. I like this poem a lot.