|Reviews for package my sorrow|
| english summer rain chapter 1 . 9/15/2008
so i've finally started to read all your new stuff yay! starting from the top, if all your work is like this i have a very enjoyable night coming up. i love how there is some disconnected feel to this, it's very erratic and bumpy. you kept this up well in the first three stanzas and then the closing, as much as it was a beautiful close, it sort of flowed more into sentences broken up into lines for the sake of a poetic look. maybe looking a little more closely and where and how you set up you're line breaks in the last two stanzas would work a little better.
also in the last stanza 'sadness load' is a little awkward for me. maybe change the word order? 'load of sadness'? that sounds a little .. lame though. haha.
but opening is awesome, the word order there is irregular and beautiful. good job :)
| Tytherpol chapter 1 . 9/14/2008
i like this poem muchly
but i wish you'd get happy again,
in time, of course! :[