Reviews for Displacement
tangledwebweweave chapter 1 . 11/1/2008
Wonderful. I really love this. The emotion is pouring out, and I can feel the rhythm inside of me. This really connects with me. The imagery, as usual, is fantastic.

The only confusion is:

"I never admitted how apathetic I wasn't"

It kinda doesn't fit, well, for me.

GREAT job though. I love your work. A little jealous! Keep writing. Please.
Darksied chapter 1 . 10/12/2008
I could never write a sad/angsty (yes, it is a word now) poem with meter/rhyming. Most of y happy stuff is Rhythmic and the sad Narrative and as a result, this I find fairly refreshing. I agree with the previous review regarding the best line being the care...apathy line. I also like all the emotions ending up as one.

Not bad overall. Keep typing away!
Ashelin chapter 1 . 9/15/2008
I liked your use of contrast throughout the poem, and also the double-meaning to most of your phrases. One of my favorite lines was actually, "It actually takes a lot of care/to become as apathetic as me." because even though those seem like contrasting ideas, there is also a truth and wit about them. Your rhyming was interesting and a little sporadic, but you made good use of it. I liked how you let the last line fade, sink in and sort of let it slide through the readers mind, let them decide what happens. Some of it seemed repetitious or lacking in imagery, but those are two things are my pet peeves, so no worries. Overall, good job. And thanks so much for the review, it's always appreciated.

Ashelin