Reviews for maybe we're too young
AEJ325 chapter 1 . 3/31/2009
Very nice I must say.

The way you puncuated your words was something I really liked. It intreaged me, lol - however you spell that word.

I also liked the images that came to mind when I read this, it was very lovely.

Good job!
Manifest-Destiny-x X chapter 1 . 3/10/2009
I liked all of the parenthetical statements. There weren't too few or too many. It added and not distracted.

I liked how you added emphasis to some words by italicizing. This is very similar to what I do in my own work, so I obviously appreciate it from someone else.
Isca chapter 1 . 11/19/2008
"There's only silence and frowns and darting eyes." I loved the imagery in this line!

I found the fourth stanza a bit awkward; it seemed more like a stream-of-thought than a concrete section of poetry.

That said, I liked this poem overall; especially the last few lines: "Not even bleeding can get rid of that kind of pain." I found that line to be very emotional and powerful!

Keep up the good work! :)

-Isca
Carus chapter 1 . 11/19/2008
I like the way that this just seems to be a stream of conciousness. The fact that it's written like that yet it's still separated into stanzas and with punctuation is really cleverly done - it suggests that although the narrator is showing her innermost thoughts, some might still be hidden if she has the presence of mind to organise them. Or maybe I'm just reading too deeply into it ;)

Another thing I really like is how the pace of the poem seems to speed up as it goes on. It gradually gets the reader onto the edge of their seat without them realising, as they get sucked into the frenzied thoughts.

I really enjoyed reading this, and I'm not sure why you don't think it's very good. It's going on my faves ]

-Amy
deefective chapter 1 . 11/17/2008
Well, I like the whole idea for this poem. It came across well with the writing and word choice. Although, I have to say that sometimes there were emphasized parts that were wrongly so. You didn't NEED to italicize some of them that you did. Also, the brackets seemed useless to me. they just interrupted the flow unnecessarily. And I know you say that it's your choice to not capitalize anything and I understand that. Sometimes that could work for a poem but for this it just barely pulled it off. As much as you say it shouldn't matter, it does. Everything matters when a reader reads a piece.
DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 11/13/2008
i think it could use less punctuation. with all the italicization and parenthesis and dashes, it seems a little bit crowded to me.

i love the way you describe a breaking heart, you give the reader and clear image, a perfect sound of what is being described. good job with that ]
if i could fall chapter 1 . 9/21/2008
stfu. hah. i think it IS very good. it touches me. ... 'cracking of a breaking heart/the air being stolen from my lungs..'&& 'for release, for an excuse to just get/it over with-' &&

( i can't breathe, i can't see, i can't hear,

i can't live, no, not without you,

but, oh god, please just don't let it end this way ) -

the insanely desperate painfulhelpless feeling i get from this won't let this poem be 'not very good anyway'...andd 'sittin in the silence/and holding each others dead,frozen hands,/a closed circuit no more-' fckn love itt...
detache chapter 1 . 9/20/2008
To hell it's not very good.

I loved that format and while it has no rhyme scheme, who cares? It's still conveys quite a lot of emotion.

Very poetic and very beautiful.

Keep up the amazinglyfantastic work.
Alazar-Ramir chapter 1 . 9/15/2008
Allow me to firstly say - you are wrong. This was a REALLY good poem.

The words you selected help keep a healthy rhythm which portray despair when needed (the bracketed verses mostly) by feeling quick and then feeling just helpless / sad by slowing down.

It was also not too hard to understand. Easy imagery and straight to the point. Anyone who had the misfortune of going through this would know exactly how that felt.
ode to melancholy chapter 1 . 9/15/2008
Well, I really like it. I was kinda surprised to see that you'd written a poem, but it's very good all the same. ;) I like the last part the best, I think, from "but still we're sitting in the silence" to "can get rid of that kind of pain." Good job.