Reviews for Blue
CuriousContradiction chapter 1 . 6/30/2009
You have excellent imagery in this poem-

frosted lawn

hazy summer sky in an oil puddle

rainblow-splashed oil

melt into the asphalt river

alabaster sil

weaving like a vein

(I just realized I listed almost the entire poem)

One thing I noticed was that you mention oil twice within one line of each other. Both are lovely descriptions, but... hmm. I'm not really one for editing poetry because it's such a personal thing and taking either part out would mean eliminating a vivid image, but if you find some way to make the two mentions further apart, the poem might be just a tad less repetitive.

I want you to know how real I think your writing is. I know it doesn't sound like much, but having writing that's real... It's pretty hard to achieve. You incorporated elements of daily life like oil puddles that people don't tend to notice and made them art, and I think that's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
Ray-Anne chapter 1 . 4/28/2009
Terrible how it ended to say, but that brought all the more impact. It was well and beautifully written.
Icyfire4w5 chapter 1 . 3/18/2009
Let me guess... Is this poem about discrimination against Muslims? I am sorry if I am wrong here.

"Blue, like the collar on her brother’s sweater,

Torn open that time they burrowed into the hedge together

And built a secret fort against the fence;"

Wow, here is a playful scene that has made me smile...
abs171910 chapter 1 . 1/5/2009
I liked this one a lot. The racism (did I spell that right)that this world has is horrible. I'm glad you write poems and stories about it like this.
emmerrzzt chapter 1 . 9/18/2008
wow..i really liked the similies...very good way to paint the picture...and i liked how you made her sound familiar, yet very mysterious...good job...i liked it!
lymli chapter 1 . 9/16/2008
very mysterious but at the same time sweet description.