|Reviews for The Slave of Heaven|
| Sheryl chapter 43 . 4/17/2012
After reading 42 chapters non stop, I was sad (and annoyed at myself) to find that I SHOULD'VE READ THE RE-WRITE INSTEAD OF THIS ONE AHHH. So before I go on the gruelling task of rereading your rewrite ( : ) I'd first like to say that your story is just captivating!
I've never met a character (Lilith) whose so weak yet so strong that I don't know whether to hit her or love her like the 'goddess' she is. She is definitely a very interesting character and very realistic as she seems like 'one of us' even if she is a Nephilim. She's...normal. And not.
And oh my god...Lucien just takes my breath away. His character is so unpredictable and lovable and HOT that I don't think I need vampire venom to know what I'd like to do to him. And thumbs up for your smutty scene. *likes*
As your story as a whole, I agree with you, there isn't much of a solid plot line your following but I feel that your very colorful characters make up for it. I'm simply to interested in the character developement to care for the plot.
All in all, I love it. Although it would be nice if the mysterys in the stories didn't go on unsolved for long. It took quite a few chapters to get to the part with Spirits which was very far. :/
KEEP UP THE AWESOME WORK!
| Day2Dreamer chapter 3 . 10/25/2009
Anyway, that's enough from me!
I really hope I didn't offend you with anything I said - I just wanted to let you know my opinions on the off-chance that it might help you become an even more amazing writer!
I truly did love reading this story, and I honestly am in awe of your story-weaving skills!
Congratulations on a piece of art fit to rival many of the published books I've read... Can't wait to read the new updates! D
| Day2Dreamer chapter 2 . 10/25/2009
Sorry! Ran out of space in the previous review, hehehe..
Now, what else? I agree that you may have lost sight of Anu a little, but I'm looking forward to reading more about Anu in the new version!
As far as Lucien is concerned, his life as a musician seemed to largely vanish in the later chapters - I think it could be because my time perception is skewed (obviously Harvest Moon night required heaps of details, and therefore it seemed to last longer), and I'm not even sure what I would expect his life to be like, but I was wondering if maybe music made more of an impact on his personality? Otherwise him being a musician feels like a plot device to get him and Lily together, and nothing more.
Then again, even just elaborating on their musical connection or referring to it in the later chapters would make it more relevant - did she love his music so much because the essence of his Spirit Wolf soul was reaching out to her Spirit Wolf-ness or something? Lol, okay, I know that sounds ridiculous, but I can't claim to have your skill with words ;)
I would love to find out more about Joel's sickness and why Angela was screaming "I have her, I have her... I promised!".. Knowing about Joel's sickness is just a whim of mine (totally not necessary for the story), but Angela's words seem like a... umm.. I've forgotten what they're called... *think think*.. I'll settle with "plot line thingy", which shouldn't be forgotten!
That said, I love how you've managed to weave so many things into the story, and brought up little points later (I can't think of any examples at the moment, but they're there in the story and I loved them!).
I picked up on an amazing number of Harry Potter names in this story (Lily, Lucien, Remus, Romulus, Perce [which is almost like Percival]), and I just haveta ask, lol - was that intentional?
There are parts of the story which seem a little anachronistic - e.g. Lily swearing, the iPod (even though iPods are common nowadays, I sorta got the impression that the human world in the story was a little less technologically advanced than ours is now... although that could totally be an incorrect assumption [I don't always read things thoroughly or imagine things the way the author would want], but the iPod definitely stood out when you introduced it), and occasionally even the way you write the interaction between Lily and Lucien seem out of place with the atmosphere of the rest of the story. That's not to say that I don't adore the interaction between them (I totally want a Lucien of my very own! ;) hehehe), and the writing itself is actually pretty good, but it doesn't quite seem to fit in with the rest of the writing... if that makes sense? I don't have a clue how to fix it, but I thought I'd just mention it!
| Day2Dreamer chapter 1 . 10/25/2009
Hi hi hi!
Soo... I really really wanted to congratulate you on some amazing writing! D You really managed to create a fantastic world and storyline, and it was an absolute pleasure to read.
I can't believe you only received 114 reviews for this story - I figured I had to increase the numbers (even if it was just by one) because your story really captured me, and I thought it was just masterful!
I'm dying to read the new version (even though it's really late and I seriously need sleep if I don't wanna make a billion mistakes at work tomorrow), but first I thought I'd give you some feedback on this old version:
The first thing that pops to mind is that I actually really liked the fact that Sameer existed. It made Lily's life more realistic somehow - so many stories have the heroine basically virginal in every way - i.e. they go through their whole lives without having formed proper romantic relationships with other males until the main guy in the story comes along, and I was kind of sad to see that you wanted to do this with Lily so late in the story.
Mind you, I dislike Sameer the character (especially considering the way he used Lily), but I reckon that her feelings for him added some sort of complexity to her... i.e. she wasn't completely devoid of feelings towards males before she found out about Lucien. By taking Sameer out, it also leaves a large gap in her life at the temple - what happened then?
However, I've read before that a story shouldn't have unnecessary characters which don't forward the plot along (or something like that!), and I guess Sameer could count as one of those, so I don't know! You might be able to pull it off - I'll just haveta read the new version to see! ;)
Second.. there were a number of errors peppered here and there in the story - just small things, like "betray" instead of "betrayal", and "you're" instead of "your", and a couple of problems with tenses, etc... Usually these irritate me to no end, because I tend to assume that the author just doesn't know English any better... BUT, I've found that I can't do it in this case, because your story is just so well-written that it's almost impossible for that to be true. (And even if it is true, I can't bring myself to mind because I respect your vocabulary, writing style, and creativity immensely!)
Next.. I remember reading in some of your author's notes that you were scared of the chapters being boring (because they concentrated more on the history in the story), and I just wanted to let you know that those chapters captured my interest just as much as any of the others (i.e. a lot!), and it was fascinating learning about the background story - you weaved it all in really well! Nice work! D
| artificial destiny chapter 43 . 5/27/2009
wow amazing story
i'm looking forward to reading the rewrite :D
| Sin City chapter 42 . 3/7/2009
I absolutely loved this story! It was so great. I liked it so much that I even read a few chapters on my cell phone during class while I was bored. :) The plot was great and the dialogue between Lily and Lucien was amusing and well-written. (Especially towards the end.)
I cannot wait for the sequel. I'm putting you on author alert!
I hope to see the first chapter soon!
| I. N. Wexham chapter 20 . 1/29/2009
I LOVE THIS STORY, DONT PUT IT ON HOLD, I DONT MIND IF ITS A SKELETON :(
| bela13 chapter 1 . 1/27/2009
dose that mean you won't continue with this one as your re writeing this? please don't do that i liked it already :(
| Lily chapter 43 . 1/27/2009
I posted a message on the ReWrite page too. (2nd comment.. woot!) The only thing I'm worried about is if you don't put some of the really good parts out of the original into the ReWrite one. (I haven't read the new one... yet)
Anyway... As I said in the other comment, finish rewriting, then please update soon.
| Karenai chapter 42 . 1/25/2009
This story is AMAZING! Amazing enough that I'm actually reviewing (I usually just lurk around). I'm appalled at the review count. You deserve so much more reviews!
Please update soon!
I think I'm in love with Lucien.
| Holly chapter 42 . 1/22/2009
They were right to have given you the award for best plot. You have done well in keeping it interesting and I applaud you for staying away from the twilight plotline that seems to be in every story. I love your characters and I love the depth you have been able to reveal in them. Thank you for a good read, I hope you will continue to post many more chapters in the future.
| Lily chapter 42 . 1/18/2009
It's excellent. Please update.
| notquitewitty chapter 42 . 1/16/2009
Wow, awesome chapter. I've been waiting all week to have time to read this, and it did not disappoint. I'm getting dangerously addicted to this story. The plot is very well thought out and the characters are so likable. You manage to incorporate so many different things into every chapter. I can't wait until the next one!
| aurora borealis chapter 42 . 1/15/2009
To be honest, I don't get how this story has so few reviews. It's absolutely amazing. The characters is great (although I'm very disappointed in her friends), the plot is original. I absolutely love it. And have to go to bed now. You've held me in thrall long enough - school awaits tomorrow. :P
Can't wait to read more!
| Annabel Wynters chapter 42 . 1/12/2009
Whoohoo! *sigh* I'm sorry but is it possible to be in love with another Lucian other than my own? Given that yours is a vampire and mine is a Romanian Wolf but who needs to worry about details! LoL
uh...I liked the tower scene! it was awesome and I seriously feel for lilith though (not really) about her deal with Lucien.
Can't wait for more and Keep up the Awesome-tastic work! :D