|Reviews for october, the echo|
| Kirrithian chapter 1 . 4/8/2009
First off, simple things to setup a story, a small tale like this nicely- capitals. It really bugged me that there weren't any, but it's an easy thing to go through and sort out.
I liked how you defined alter ego at the start, setting out the basis for this piece. I didn't like the length, and feel you can develop this into a bit more of a story, maybe by taking the idea of explaining these two personalities and putting them in context, to show how they react and change in a situation.
But good work, keep writing!
| if i could fall chapter 1 . 9/21/2008
oo. this is deep. really deep. the explanation helped a lot because there are so many things u can get out of this poem.. but i like ur meaning best ] obvii haha.. this is really nice... very well written. it speaks to me.. the feelings are soveryreal.
| detache chapter 1 . 9/20/2008
Nice. Well written.
Very interesting to write from either sides of yourself. I've never seen that done.
So these stories that you're writing... they're personal?
| Samantha Marie Haven chapter 1 . 9/19/2008
this was very good. it has a good flow-which makes the whole dark, painful feel come alight. i dont think there is better way to describe your seperate sides. a thousand different ways, yes, but none really better. the echo concept is perfect, the name fitting. the october concept is as well-instead of using another word like echo, you bring in a month, and this month in particular can throw a multitude of things into anyone's mind-there's just something special about october (maybe i'm bais cua it's my birthday month...)
so i read through the whole thing entirely entranced by your conflicting lives, emotions, thoughts...and the ending really nailed it...but then there comes this line, and a little author's note thing...where you again describe what you feel, only a bit differently.
i think this story would do much better without it. everything is so perfectly done in the piece itself, but in comes an sort of analysis of what you wrote.
if you really wanted to describe 'echo' and 'october' more (judging by the author's note part, you reall did) might i suggest incorporating it into the piece itself.
well, good job on this. it's not always easy writing about yourself this way-maybe it was for you. either way, it's no easy task analysing yourself through words and prose. well done. keep up the good work.
| diffident chapter 1 . 9/19/2008
Fantastic concept and excellent execution. I like how you portrayed it vaguely enough that your situation still applies, as does a situation of genuine dissociative identity disorder. Really, great job.
| a certain slant of light chapter 1 . 9/19/2008
Great, as usual. A bit melancholy, which just adds to the brilliance. Love the last line, and "because she can't try to be clumsy". Gonna make it a collection? Would be cool if you did. :)