|Reviews for Byoden|
| Lumaris chapter 4 . 10/26/2008
Great chapter with the description! Never fails to amaze me. I like how real it feels, great work!
Didn't find anything to note here; great work! :D
XD Kinda late here, hopefully tomorrow I can give a better review, eep! _;;
| Lumaris chapter 3 . 10/19/2008
The way the sentences seem to flow together gives this story a great feel to it. It's easy to read and the images you paint is amazing!
Just a few things I noticed is all~
"He felt air thicken and a faint oily smell like the inside of frog." It doesn't make that much sense, but do you mean something like he "smelled a faint oily scent like the inside of a frog." Or something akin. It's just a little thing, and it may just be me. ;
"A little logic always eases a young boys mind." boy's
That's it _ Overall, I really like this, and I'm even more curious what the thing following Byoden is! Keep it up! :D
| Lumaris chapter 2 . 10/17/2008
Wow, again the description is wonderful. :) I wonder who spoke, if it was a figment of the boy's imagination or not; in addition, it is curious why he'd have an outer-body experience. Questions! Very good :D
The only thing I noticed was that you could use italics or single-quotation marks (' ') to distinguish his thoughts. Although you wrote 'Byoden thought' - it still can be confusing. But this is just my opinion! Everyone has their own way of writing characters' thoughts. _
Anyway, great chapter and I'll read the next soon! Keep it up! :)
| Lumaris chapter 1 . 10/17/2008
vein I think you mean vain?
Great first chapter; this is intriguing! I love how you personified the stag, and the rituals were done well. In addition, I fell in love with the description - especially in the beginning. Although, I think you could use some varied sentence openers at one point (with the hunter, but I only noticed it in one paragraph.)
It kept my interest the entire time, great work! _
| Emijier chapter 3 . 9/29/2008
It seemed intriguing enough for me to continue reading, but in all honesty, while the descriptions were well written, they rather bored me. We don't need *that* much description.
Continue, though. I'd like to see where you go with this.
| flaubernoxis chapter 2 . 9/26/2008
I find this quite interesting so far. Maybe some dialogue? I do like your descriptions, though.
Update soon :)
| teknikalitiez chapter 2 . 9/26/2008
Hmm, it's pretty interesting so far. I like it. Update soon!