... ok then.

Loved it ,all of it ,definitely something different and unique, a very interesting read

At the end of the prologue, it sounds kinda weird when you say "And then she tried to kill me." Instead, make it less...straightforward.

Uh-oh xD Wow! Heehee this is god xD

Yay! You're back :D

Hm, I liked the preview. There was one little repetitive part in the second paragraph, though.

You say "Dazzling white teeth shone whenever she smiled, which was rare. And dangerous eyes shone bright as she stared fixedly at the house across the street". The shone on either the teeth or the eyes should probably switched up, just so it flows better.

Anyway, I'm glad that you're back and writin'! I look forward to more, darlin'!

~Sophia

Ouch? Is Kevin/Griffith alright (Is that a stupid question?)?

Update soon please!

OMG! That was FABULOUS! It had some minor spelling issues, but still AMAZING! ~Jane~ you are awesome, that is some fabulous writing, keep at it!

WOW... That is good... I knew you had it in ya! Way yo go JANE! Keep Writing, see ya later!

So... I finished reading, and uh... I dunno. The story was good up until about half way, with the chase scene to the grocery store and the narrow escape. After that though, everything kind of fell apart. The dialogue of your characters in actual danger is a little whack, and whenever there was a problem you seemed to resolve it by miraculously inventing a new vampire power that Kevin had no idea he had. The last chapter was a little rediculous.

The story still has potential though, and if you really wanna get this published, I would suggest going back and slowing the pace down a little bit towards the end.

I don't mean to sound like a hater, this is good for a first story. I hope that the criticism helps more than me saying "ZOMG, it was AMAZING!"

-Colosi

hahaha Death was awesome nice job! An awesome chapter, as always :D

Hey at some point in this story was the chick's name Amanda? 'Cause it refers to her as Amanda here in chapter 7. Good stuff.

Hey this is a pretty interesting story, the author I was reading decided to be a douche and take all their stuff down, so you are essentially my "new blood" I'm taking it slowly but so far it's a pretty savory tale. Keep it up.

I really liked this chapter. The contrast between how chill he is about dying really works with the whole huge deal about Kevin asking Ashley to the dance. Well done!

(btw, if you contact me, I won't be able to get back to you until Friday morning, let alone perhaps start a chapter with you until Sunday :l)

Question. Why are you on a time crunch?

~Sophia

Amazing! I loved it so much!

Death would be a Jonas Brothers fan. It's just so fitting!

~elphaba731

okay now that's something I was not expecting XD

omg this chapter was great! :D but I can;t wait to know what's next X3 gah you are AWESOME!