Reviews for reality
clockwork kiss chapter 1 . 1/23/2009
this poem has a lot of potential, and some lines in here are really great. I love the 4th stanza about the waitress as a fairy, great imagery and word choice. The ending personification of the book shelf is great. I think saying fake is too much, and it's already a word with a lot of cliche connotations. In the 6th stanza just say "like my bookshelf" and take out the 2nd stanza of just fake sitting alone. You're underestmating your readers and trying to spell out the meaning of the poem for them. We get it! The 2nd to last stanza about being real should be changed to something more concrete and descriptive, because your title already says what you have here. So those are my critiques. Anyways. Nice write, I love the overall feel of it! Nice write.:)
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 10/18/2008
"ninety nine dollars"... ninety-nine

In the first line you say it's someone else's shelf and then towards the end you say it's yours, that confused me.

I didn't like how you end it all with a period like it's one long sentence, which it isn't.

I like the first stanza a lot, it's such a unique and beautiful imagery. A really wonderful start to the piece. The waitress thing was interesting, but it seemed to come out of nowhere. Other than that it was a really interesting piece.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game forum and/or it's Review Marathon (link in my profile).
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 9/29/2008
So true. There's a lot more to people than what they let on, that is for sure. Love the metaphor and how modern and original you made it. Fabulous. Keep writing! :)
The Postscript chapter 1 . 9/27/2008
Interesting. I have an English teacher who did a play on absurdity the other day, as from Catch-22. A student was the teacher, giving a quiz, and my teacher was a student. It definitely showed us that our world is full of absurdity and differences between what is expected and what is real! Awesome write. Keep writing, k.